Welcome! It's time people....The Grog is expanding. I promised you randomness when I first started this thing, but how random can you really get if you're only one person? I've decided to add some of my friends to the mix so I can really throw a wrench at you. You want more posts and more random? Well here you go...brought to you by some of the finest examples of American citizenry, writing posts from across the nation.
This page will give you a brief bio into The Grog's authors.
Smoot~Born in Zurich, he was the first human to ever be born to two fathers and an artificially manufactured egg. Trained to perform in his fathers’ circus in Switzerland, his repertoire of many skills include unicycle riding, card tricks, and the ability to balance up to 17 bowling pins on his head.
He now models for Dewars Scottish Scotch on the weekends, so any ladies with a thing for plaid man skirts and old golf clubs, heres your man.
Bio provided by Dom.
Dom~Born in Khabarovsk, Russia, he is the son of an Austrian quiltist and an ex-KGB officer. Sadly, during the great Bear Cavalry wars of 1990-1998, he became an orphan and was sent to be raised by his Uncle in Nepal. There, he learned the established trades of yeti/goat cross-breeding and extreme-winter survival.
Somehow, he managed to forge documentation which allowed him to enter the United States, apply for Army ROTC, and attend college. He is currently a member of the Hoya Battalion at Catholic University of America.
He has been happily married to his beloved wife of 46 years, Karen, and is blessed with having 3 sons: Jared, Josh, and Abraham.
Bio provided by Smoot.
William~Forged in the fiery pits of Mordor by a dimension-traveling Dr. Doom, Will Hall was originally a discontinued genetic clone of Jango Fett. Found unfit for continued training by the Kaminoans on account of a mutation, he was discharged from the cloning facility and thrown into the Kaminoan sea. Luckily, the deformed baby fell into the submarine of Dr. Doom, who had been visiting the Star Wars Universe via wormhole. William's blood was forged with Adamantium in Mount Doom, and (through yet another dimensional voyage) was brought up as Dr. Doom's son in Latveria.
Remember the fear of Rock 'n Roll in the 1950s?
You might as well get under your desks again kiddies, Dr. Doom taught Will well, he's a leading member in a nefarious (and nefariously good) band: Ezekiel's Spaceship.
He is also attending Wheelock College on an academic scholarship from the Federal Boarding School of Latveria.
Bio provided by Smoot.
CJ~No one is exactly sure where The CJ (pronounced like "siege" when preceded by "The") originated, but myth speculates that he emerged from a genetically altered ostrich egg on the plains of Kenya sometime around 1903.
When The CJ reaches the human age of 60, he reconstructs his nervous system and regenerates his cell tissues through 5 years of self-induced-hibernation. When he awakes from his 5 year slumber, The CJ appears to be a human man of 20.
Captured and experimented upon by the Nazis in 1941, the CJ allegedly gained unholy powers which made his immortality revered by the infamous shadow government of the Illuminati, who kidnapped him from a Nazi experimentation lab in 1945.
However, The CJ finds atheists hilariously futile and vain, and subsequently broke free from his cage and killed the entire Illuminati organization. Once he learned how to speak English (he is fluent in Swahili and German), The CJ found his true hobby in America, posing as a sports writer at Pace University.
Bio provided by Smoot.
Mike~Also known as The Former Half of Team Mayonaise, Mike is the product of immaculate conception. He was birthed by an angel, after whom he was named.
Given that he came from a man, and not a women, it logically follows that he is therefore the purest, most manliest man on the face of the earth. Famous manly men, such as the Old Spice guy, have made countless attempts on his life out of fear of losing their title. Fortunately, Michael Corey is an immortal being, and all such attempts have only made the purpetrators look like pussies, and ended up ruining their carreers.
A few interesting facts about this Irish red diamond in the rough; Dane Cook listed Mike as his biggest influence in his career as a comic. Citing that without Mike, bits such as "Peanut butter smack" would never have been created. In thier series The Dragon Lance Chronicles, authors Margret Weiss and Tracy Hickman recently admitted to basing their manipulative and quick whitted lead character, Raistlin, after Corey.Mike fully embodies these traits, and has used them to his advantage to much success at Bently University, where he is currently studying business.
Bio provided by Dan.
Jay~On May 1st, on an unknown date, an abnormally large comet struck the north pole and resulted in a huge explosion. Within the remaining shards of ice, a small child emerged from the wreckage completely unharmed. Soon after the explosion, the local polar bears took interest in the boy after his gift for fishing, and raised him as their own.
When the boy was about 6 human years old, soviet scientists who were studying extraterrestrial activities, captured the boy and took him to Moscow for experimentation. Fortunately, a rogue Lithuanian soldier intercepted the Russians and attempted to rescue him. Unfortunately, the Lithuanian was shot by the soviets. The young boy quickly killed the soviet convoy and as an act of honor, the boy took the name of the Lithuanian who rescued him: Jay Galinauskas.
Such a traumatic experience would have broken a lesser man, but not Jay, the man raised by bears. Jay laughs at the pitiful humans who deny the existance of extraterrestrial life, for he knows better. Astrologists speculate that Jay is an assassin from an unknown planet with regenerative tendencies born to rid the world of humans: a 'predator' if you will.
After migrating to America via fishing boat several years later, Jay wandered about the country until he ended up in Boston During the 1972 Stanley Cup Finals. The brilliance of the spectacle on ice reminded Jay of the bears that raised him, and the young man swore his allegiance to Boston's favorite Bears: the Boston Bruins.
When the boy was about 6 human years old, soviet scientists who were studying extraterrestrial activities, captured the boy and took him to Moscow for experimentation. Fortunately, a rogue Lithuanian soldier intercepted the Russians and attempted to rescue him. Unfortunately, the Lithuanian was shot by the soviets. The young boy quickly killed the soviet convoy and as an act of honor, the boy took the name of the Lithuanian who rescued him: Jay Galinauskas.
Such a traumatic experience would have broken a lesser man, but not Jay, the man raised by bears. Jay laughs at the pitiful humans who deny the existance of extraterrestrial life, for he knows better. Astrologists speculate that Jay is an assassin from an unknown planet with regenerative tendencies born to rid the world of humans: a 'predator' if you will.
After migrating to America via fishing boat several years later, Jay wandered about the country until he ended up in Boston During the 1972 Stanley Cup Finals. The brilliance of the spectacle on ice reminded Jay of the bears that raised him, and the young man swore his allegiance to Boston's favorite Bears: the Boston Bruins.
Harold Camping predicted that on May 21st of this year, the rapture would occur and the world would end. And ancient hieroglyphics also predicted that May 21st was when Jay would destroy us all. Fortunately for us, Jay has taken a liking to our human ways, the Boston Bruins, and one particular earth female. So because of his happiness with us, the world was spared being thrown into the abyss.
But despite his liking of mankind, Jay still has a need to dish out punishment to those who do not appease him. In order to safely do so, Jay is training to become a police officer. Jay studies Criminal Justice at Bridgewater State University in order to one day serve justice as a member of our society.
But despite his liking of mankind, Jay still has a need to dish out punishment to those who do not appease him. In order to safely do so, Jay is training to become a police officer. Jay studies Criminal Justice at Bridgewater State University in order to one day serve justice as a member of our society.
Bio provided by CJ.
Dan~Dan Robertson, also known as the Latter Half of Team mayonnaise, came into being when Adam and Eve first banged in the garden of Eden, and as such is a 2nd generation human.
When Adam and Eve were exiled from paradise, Dan being without sin and God’s favorite human was allowed to stay. Dan left paradise in the year 0 A.D. to fill his curiosity about the human world.. Due to losing his most cherished creation, God created Jesus to fill the void and the AD years began. However AD does not stand for Anno Domini as it is popularly believed but rather stands for “After Dan” and was created in memory of him.
Much of what we know about Jesus' life comes from the Bible which was written by Dan Robertson (who was Jesus’ best friend and confidant). After becoming a bestselling author Dan went on to join all major conflicts and wars becoming the inspiration for movies such as Die Hard, Terminator, Rambo and basically any Arnold and Van Damme movie.
Because of his legendary life, the "most interesting man in the world" named Dan his hero and the inspiration for his life. His legend continues leading him to where he resides today; studying computer science at WPI in hopes of turning WPI from a college into a party school corporation that will ultimately bring about the end of days.
Bio (blasphemously) provided by Mike.
Cam~In Welsh, Cam is an umbrella term for such nicknames as "Ravager of Villages", "Pillager of Nunneries", or "Viking-Blooded Alpha-Male who escaped from Valhalla and returned to Earth to sack Cities."
Cam is almost like Christopher Lambert and Adrian Paul of the "Highlander" series, with the exception being that he is actually immortal, and makes them look like pussies.
Born in what is currently Wales in 1472, Cam became one helluva-badass. He sacked and pillaged all those who stood against him, and has been doing so ever since.
So check yourself before you wreck yourself friendos...Cam has been known for going "all sorts of medieval" on his enemies. Just look at that photo above! JUST LOOK AT IT!!!!
Bio provided by Smoot.
