The year that brought us current greats like The Avengers, The Dark Knight Rises, and Prometheus.
It also brought us Nazis at the Center of the Earth; a dung the size of Jupiter set ablaze with the fire of a thousand suns.
If you are anything like me, and genuinely enjoy watching horrible movies for an easy laugh; this is the movie for you.
Nazis at the Center of the Earth features a multitude of exceptional topics that combine to form comedy gold: Nazis, horrible CGI, brutal acting, terrible writing, God-awful subtitles, a resurrected Robot-Hitler and so much more.
So what's the plot?
If you didn't watch the trailer above (by clicking the movie title), you can assume that there are Nazis.......under the surface of the Earth. Without the trailer the title is somewhat misleading however; I thought I'd be witnessing a mixture of "Journey to the Center of the Earth" (the classic original one of course) with a silly Nazi twist.
The title should instead read Nazis Under Antarctica, which certainly doesn't sound as cool, but conveys the plot a lot better.
Basically...there's a group of researchers in Antarctica that, while drilling for some science-y type shenanigans in the ice, come across the remnants of a Nazi plane, the same plane that was shown in the beginning of the movie as flying off with some important technology at the end of WWII.
First of all....the snow here is hilarious. Its practically cotton balls, while the background is a blank white screen. No skyline...no snow falling..just a white backdrop.
Not to mention excellent cold-weather gear. (Source)
The heavy-duty ice drill in question? It supposedly goes down quite an amount of feet in the ice until it hits the plane, prompting the two researchers operating it to stop it immediately. But the scientists need only to wipe away one inch of snow until they come across the swastika-covered tail of the plane! Wouldn't that be something you would have noticed immediately when trying to dig an initial groove for the drill to slip into?
Anyway I digress. After finding the plane the two scientists get captured by Nazis wearing old gas-masks, and dragged into a cavern. The same cavern, in turn, is easily found by the other team of scientists through the footprints and drag marks the Nazis left behind.
Because the words "subtle" and "Nazi" are never placed in the same sentence. (Source)
Long story short, underneath the ice is a terra-formed tropical paradise that holds an Army of Nazis lead by none other than Dr. Mengele, or the Auschwitz "Angel of Death" who should have died in the 1970s.
Taking Europe while fighting a double front would've been easier than achieving this. (Source)
Needless to say the Nazis have been replacing their dying bodies with the body parts of captured scientists over the years, and they need the group they just captured to help finalize their plans for the revival of Robot-Hitler and the beginning of a new era for the Third Reich.
Some Notable Characters:
Dr. Adrian Reistad (Jake Busey)
(Source)
Ever since Starship Troopers, I've been physically incapable of hating Jake Busey. Busey is, strangely enough, one of the only main actors in this movie that can be considered an actor in the first place. The name and the blond hair are dead give-aways, Reistad is a Nazi-sympathizer that has been volunteering his comrades skin and organs to the Nazi's regeneration program for years.
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Which, for some reason, must be done while they are still alive. (Source)
Best Line: "You were never squeamish before!"
This is, of course, in reference to his fuck-buddy scientist throwing up after seeing her best friend's brain/spinal cord pulled out of the top of her head.
aka this.
That pales in comparison to her priceless reaction however:
"I'm pregnant.."
(Said baby is subsequently butchered and its stem cells used to resurrect Robot-Hitler....nobody wins in this movie).
Especially not the CGI department. (Source)
Indian Guy with a Perm (Abderrahim Halaimia)
No, that's not actually his character name. But this character is hilarious, practically mute, and pretty much just as useless as "Fabio" from Robot Holocaust.
Angela Magliarossa (Maria Pallas)
Basically the only attractive member of the science-team, Angela meets an untimely demise via dispatch-way-of-zombie-rape.
But not before giving the viewers a little "Hey Now!"
Best Part of the Movie: The subtitles.
Why?
Because two semesters of German in college taught me that "Was ist Das?" means "What is that?" and would suggest as such during the scene in question.
The subtitle committee instead, elected for "What's happening?"---marking for a moment of hilarity as it made "Nazi-versus-the-scientist-with-something-intriguing-in-her-hand-trying-to-get-away" seem more like a casual party scene of "Nazi-asks-cute-girl-'What's up? How's everything going? Like the party I'm hosting?'"
Best Line of the Movie: "SHIT A BRICK!!!"
This priceless line comes from an esteemed member of our armed forces when radar picks up the giant-technologically superior-Nazi-flying-saucer bearing down on the rest of the world.
Because Nazi flying saucers truly is a "Shit a brick" moment. (Source)
So how bad is bad?
Craptasticly-Awesome Bad.
See the movie....then thank me later.
