The Quintessential College Guide for the Incoming Freshman: Pt 6: Tough Scenarios

Greetings and salutations to all of the advice seeking freshman of the United States of America. I hope that all you young freshman are learning a lot so far this semester. The first week is always the most unusual because you still haven't really found your niche yet. And even after you have gotten used to your schedule and have successfully located the important buildings on campus, we now take the next step in your development as a college student.

HOW TO HANDLE TOUGH SITUATIONS YOU WILL MOST LIKELY ENCOUNTER IN COLLEGE!!!

Topics include.

• RA's getting in your face
• If a fight breaks out on campus
• Guy/Girl Drama

We start first with the people in charge of your dorm, the resident assistants and resident directors. Or RA's and RD's for short.

Now you have encountered your Resident Assistant when you first moved into your new home for seven to eight months out of the year. The easiest way to tell whether your Resident Assistant is going to be difficult to deal with depends on a few factors.

• Room Location

If your RA is in the room directly across from you or immediately next to you, partying is ill advised. I mean of course you will at some point try fate, your friends have birthdays, and maybe you will want to stick it to the man or woman in the worst possible way. Perhaps you will get the RA who is lenient and is understanding of the situation. But until you know for sure how your RA operates, keep all "studious" activities away from your room just to be on the safe side.

Another factor that determines the type of RA you will get is

• Their Major

There is a great deal of generalizing surrounding college majors, but that is because a great deal of it is true. If you RA is one of the four bookworm majors (Nursing, Law, Accounting, or any kind of Engineering), then they are not as likely to be chill because their constant work load keeps them stressed and agitated at all times. So even if your music is too loud, they will be sure to come by and tell you to turn it down because "There are some people trying to sleep/study" By some people, RA's always mean themselves. If your RA can keep their work load managed, they will have time to make themselves happy. And a happy RA usually makes them a chill RA.

But the easiest way that you can tell if your RA is a dick or dynastic Prince or Princess is....

GO WITH YOUR GUT JUDGEMENT AND BY WHAT OTHER PEOPLE TELL YOU ABOUT THEM.

If you meet your RA on the first day and he/she seems like a bag of dung. They most likely are. Everybody judges each other in college, and we at The Grog understand it. But you don't want to come off as a judgmental a-hole, or maybe they seem nice, but you are concerned they are two faced. So what do you do? Well, the people who know best how RA's treat people are upperclassmen who have dealt with them before. Get input from a sophomore who lived under the RA a year ago before proceeding with partying in your room. 

So that is an overview of the types of RA's you will meet. Now we address.

SITUATION NUMBER 1:

You are partying in your room and your RA happens to knock on the door and your room looks like this

If you want to avoid getting written up. Follow these simple steps

1. Do not answer the door until the third time the RA knocks
2. Lower your music after they knock the second time, but do not turn your music off
3. Clean up faster than you ever have in your entire life
4. DO NOT PUT ANYTHING IN FURNITURE THAT THE SCHOOL OWNS BECAUSE THEY CAN OPEN ANY FURNITURE THEY OWN WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT.

So here it is. You are face to face with the RA and it is the moment of truth. The confrontation

 If you have followed the four steps posted above, then the only thing you have left to do is keep a level head and eight out of ten RA's will leave you all alone and tell you to keep the noise down. 

What about the other two RA's you ask. Well the ninth will ask everyone who is not signed in as a guest, aka everyone else at the party, to leave. When that happens, convince your guests to oblige, wait 10-15 minutes, and start the party back up again and make sure there is less noise. 

The tenth RA will be a huge dick and try to write you up on the spot for suspicion of alcohol possession. When that happens, go with it. Possession is the most bogus charge an RA can try to nail you with. If you have taken the necessary precautions, they will have nothing on you and you will ultimately be fine. 

After that whole situation has resolved itself, your room will become a hot spot for the next two weekends and RA's will be looking to bust you again. Don't give them the chance and take your partying elsewhere.

If you have a chill RA, let them know complement them and stay on their good side. It will make your life a hell of a lot more fun, and easy. Be cool with your RA and they will have your back, even when the RD decides to stir from their slumber and try to force their way into a situation like a third wheel in the bedroom.

Now that we have dealing with RA's covered. We move on to our next situation.

FIGHTS AT SCHOOL

I will keep this one short because the situation is pretty straight forward. Fights happen because

• Somebody is way to drunk and looking for trouble
• One person had sex with so and so's girlfriend/boyfriend and wants to get even
• Drug deals gone bad
• Somebody owes somebody else money and has not paid yet

Hopefully you will never have to encounter this situation. And we here at The Grog do not condone using violence to resolve issues unless it is to protect yourself from bodily harm. But due to entangled friendships, a situation may arise in which you have to deal with a fight breaking out on campus. The best advice I can give you regarding this situation is the following....

DO WHATEVER YOU CAN TO AVOID THE FIGHT 

• If you can get out of wherever the fight is happening, do not waste a second and GTFO. People who get in fights end up with that stigma following them around throughout the rest of their lives. 
• If you cannot get out of the situation, try and break it up. If you are found at the scene then you can at least say that you were trying to be a peacekeeper. 
• I will say it again. IF SOMEBODY IS NOT THROWING A PUNCH AT YOU, DO NOT GO LOOKING FOR A FIGHT. 
• If the person is your friend, hold them back. It is your job as a friend to keep your buddies from getting in trouble. And fighting brings up nothing but trouble.
• If you decide to ignore this advice and get in a fight anyway THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES TO YOUR ACTIONS AND YOU WILL HAVE TO ANSWER FOR THEM. 

Consequences for fighting include, suspension from housing, getting kicked out of school, getting fined huge amounts of money, or worst case scenario....

The bottom line is this: Fighting is a horrible idea that can always be prevented, and it's never worth it.

Now on to the most fun situation.

Issues with the opposite sex

Ah yes, the most common and biggest problems in college always have to do with that girl or guy you are trying to get with. And the majority of these problems seem to come up is AFTER you have already hooked up or had sex.

These issues include.

• Getting attached emotionally/Marriage Latching/Stage 5 clingers
• Arguments over stupid things
• What he/she says about you to their friends
• diseases
• and the Ultimate College No-No that always happens and leads to more drama than you can handle

For the sake of arguments, we will just pretend that you have already hooked up/banged the guy or girl in question. So, Let us start with one of the most fun.

Getting attached emotionally

This happens to guys to. There no more sexist hate mail this week

These situations are the most common. You were the first good lay this person has ever had and this person makes a great deal of effort to be by your side. Conversations are geared towards seeing how you feel about commitment and life after college. The person in question also gives everyone else you are trying to talk to the dirtiest looks to portray the message "hands off or I'll castrate you in the most painful way possible." They cock block in the worst possible way. And they begin to get mad at you for "not talking to them as much as you used to" and "not caring about what they think."

The solution to this problem: Cut em loose ASAP

The longer you enable stage 5 clingers to be around you, the deeper they sink their claws into you and the less likely you will be able to get away. You have to lay down the law and make your intentions clear to each other in order to keep the two of you from hurting each other in the long run. Sure they will say you are an a-hole and that you did not treat them right, but ignore that crap. Listening to them put you down is how drama can start, and as many of us at The Grog have stated previously, drama does not lead to anything good.

Post hookup situation number 2:

DRAMA

Post hookup problems usually happen for a few different reasons.

1. You hooked up with somebody your friend wanted to get with and they get mad at you.
2. Bad performance in bed
3. Rejection
4. Or somebody took something personal too far

First of all, if you beat your friend to the punch, then he or she should not be mad at you unless they let you know ahead of time they were trying to get with guy Y or girl X. If they did let you know ahead of time and you still went for it, then you messed up and you have to make that up to them. 

If a girl (or guy) wants to hook up with you, but you did not know and you end up hooking up with their friend, that is not your fault. You cannot know what other people think unless you are the little voices inside of their heads. So when that happens, do not sweat it. Just avoid spitting game at her (him) for a few weeks and when another non sober night rolls around, you can still get yours.

When you or your partner do so bad in bed that one of the two of you considers college long abstinence, there will be s*&t talking going on the next day. The biggest issues with this is when denial starts coming into play. You may think that you rocked his/her world and that you can get whoever whenever. But if you or your partner each think that the other was bad in bed, SOMEBODY ACTUALLY WAS SLACKING BENEATH THE SHEETS. There is nothing you can do about it, except by stepping your game up, not getting rattled by it, and getting better for the next time. 

Finally when somebody rejects your advances, do not call them every word in the dictionary your parents told you not to use at the dinner table. There are plenty of other fish in the sea and you will eventually find one that is friable. Plus, if you in fact make a good impression on a different fish, your prize catch may catch wind of it and come looking for the hook.

Diseases 

Nobody wants to talk about the possibility of contracting diseases. But, for some poor souls it actually happens in the worst possible way. I have just a few points to make regarding diseases.

• If you contract an STD GO TO A DOCTOR AND GET THAT TAKEN CARE OF. STD's are no joke, keep yourself clean.
• To avoid getting diseases, always wrap it before you tap it

IF YOU DO CONTRACT AN STD, YOU CAN KISS ANY CHANCE OF SEX FOR THE REST OF YOUR COLLEGE CAREER GOODBYE.  Seriously, you may want to consider another school if you get an STD. Because nobody and I mean nobody is dumb enough to go down that road, no matter how good your game is.

Finally, and I cannot stress this one enough. The Ultimate college no-no.....

DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH SOMEBODY WHO IS ALREADY IN A RELATIONSHIP. IT DOES NOT MATTER HOW HOT HE/SHE IS, IT WILL LEAD TO SO MUCH DRAMA THAT YOU WILL WANT TO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE WITH SCISSORS.

I know that college is a great time to try new things, and maybe that girl is looking at you from a distance. But make sure that you know if your desired target is taken. If you do hook up with a person who is taken, friends will become enemies, enemies will want to fight you, and the two of you will hate each other for it. JUST DON'T DO IT, ITS NOT WORTH IT, IT'S NEVER WORTH IT. Take it from us at The Grog who have broken this very important rule, nothing good comes from it. Nobody is perfect, but do everything you can to avoid this situation if you do not want drama.

Phew, all this talk about avoiding tough situations has this writer a bit worn out. But don't worry amigos, there is still more to come from the guide including:

• Party Life
• Long distance relationships when the two of you go to different colleges
• sleeping habits
• and how much to tell your parents about your first semester at Thanksgiving

So until next time froshies

Reflections on the Past, Opinions on the Present, and Feelings Directed Towards the Future: September 11, 2001

I decided it would be appropriate to delay "The Quintessential College Guide for the Incoming Freshman" for a retrospective look back at the events that transpired ten years ago on this date, and my opinions on my campus' candle-light vigil.

Even today, it's hard to grasp the horror, senselessness and insanity that took place during that day.  I can remember at the time, we were taking a quiz (I was in the 4th grade), like any other normal day.  The teacher next door entered and spoke in a panicked whisper, to which I can still visibly remember the look on our teacher's face.  She turned on the TV.  I can't remember if both the towers were smoking at that point, but I can remember the atmosphere in the room.  I don't think anyone beside the teachers were old enough at that point to grasp the worldly significance of the footage we were looking at, but we all knew it was big, bad and ugly.

The image I most readily remember when I think of that date was when I got home however.  As a kid, I had a paper route up until High School.  I've never experienced this in the subsequent years after 9/11, and I don't think I ever will. Every single house I stopped by on my route had their doors open, and every member of the family was sitting in front of the TV.  Every time I opened the door I saw the same panic-stricken look.

Why aren't you home right now?


Nearly 3000 people didn't make it home that night.

I remember asking myself "Why?"


It's impossible to come up with an answer.  How could you describe to me why 19 men, so vehement in their belief that they were the Soldiers of God, went through months of extensive flight training and preparation for a kamikaze-like suicide mission into the New York Skyline, the Pentagon, and another unidentified target.  

The only thing I know for sure is the result of their actions.

On a broad level, I can remember the unfiltered and pure hatred and rage that exploded in the following months, the invasion of both Afghanistan and Iraq, and the empowering sense of unity that followed in the early years of the "War on Terrorism".

On a personal level, my childhood interests in the military were solidified, as were (I'm sure) thousands of others, including some of my family members and my friends.

The candlelight vigil held tonight at my college in the honor of those who passed on September 11th came a little bit easier knowing that the mastermind behind the attacks had been destroyed.

But I was still uneasy.

I remember at some point sifting through old family photo albums and finding the images of our family trip to New York, which I believe was in 1999.  The image of my little brother smiling happily on my Dad's shoulders holding a stuffed animal, the image of my family smiling in front of the Trade Center, the image of the skyline from the top of the Towers...

It's terrifying to look at those images and imagine families just like mine being there, not in 1999 but 2001.  Having visited the Towers, its hard to imagine having to make the decision to perish in flame or to jump.  That's an unspeakable tragedy that ended the lives of many.

But it can happen again.

I paid my tribute to the fallen tonight at the campus-wide vigil, but I shied away from their request for us to pray for our future answers to not be one of retaliation, but instead the "rebuilding of human connectivity and the human community".

In theory I'm sure that would be a noble demonstration by our country after a terrible and tragic man-made calamity.

There's only one slight issue: It's not over.

The blatant and unfortunate reality, for which I'm sure I'll be told I'm a condescending, narrow-minded and violent barbarian for pointing out, is that the results of September 11th did not just result in the unjust loss of nearly 3000 lives in a matter of hours.  10 years of world-wide chaos, on multiple fronts, across many nations, have been executed in the name of the ideology of the fundamentalist jihad, whose world does not have room for a "human community."

First of all, it is not my intent to disrespect the fallen of the 11th by addressing what I personally perceived as a naive and out of place request during a rememberance vigil.  I mean absolutely no disrespect to those of whom I know who lost family members on that day.

The sheer fact of the matter however is that as a direct result of the actions that took place on September 11th, we still have troops overseas.

I feel I'd be disrespectful to forget the lives, of my family members and their friends, and those of just the general soldier that are still in harms way overseas and continue to bravely take on combat tours 10 years after the fact.

Thus, the mere suggestion of human connectivity and the "human community" in replacement of the "us against them mentality" while two full-scale wars are still taking place, a full 10 years after the terrible events of one day, passed off to me as utterly ludicrous.

I enjoyed a quote from an interview with Tom Brokaw on Steven Colbert's The Colbert Report a couple of days ago.  In which Brokaw was asked what the biggest change to the country was in the aftermath of 9/11. Mr. Brokaw replied: "Well the biggest change doesn't get enough attention, we're in the two longest wars of our nation's history...less than 1% of the population is taking 100% of the bullets for this country in Afghanistan and Iraq..."

It's a harsh truth, and again, I certainly am not trying to out-do the tragedy and injustice of 9/11 and those who lost family members during the carnage that took place on that date.  I just personally think it's inappropriate towards the memory of the victims of September 11th and to the troops who have died overseas to ask for me to forgive the masterminds behind 9/11, and the plotters of future offenses.

It's not over.


We're still locked in combat with an aggressive and morally-devoid enemy.

3 days ago I followed up on that childhood interest that solidified on 9:03am on September 11, 2001, and signed a contract with the Army.

I will be serving a minimum of 8 years.  And I'm fine with that.  I hate to be blunt, but I'll leave the "human community" to the naive college idealist.  There are people out there planning terrible acts against this country, and I'd really rather try to prevent another 9/11 than sit down, take it, and then talk about love and humanity afterwards.

If I can offer a prayer that I personally think would have been more appropriate given the context of our current affairs overseas, I'll end this post with:

"Pray for Peace, but Prepare for War"

--Fin--

The Quintessential College Guide for the Incoming Freshman: Pt 5: Freshman 15

Hello young men and women of America (or if you are studying abroad, then however you say hello in the country you are visiting). Since you all seem so excited to break the shackles of High School and move on to the more mature College lifestyle, let's keep the ball rolling shall we? So far we have covered Avoiding crazies, the dorm life essentials, academics, and the people that you will run into.

But now, we get ready to tackle one of the biggest college stereotypes and the ever present opponent of freshman females. THE FRESHMAN 15!!!!!!!!

Ahhhhhhhhhhh

Now before we go dive into how the issue comes about and how to stop it. Let us get one thing straight

GUYS ARE NOT IMMUNE TO THE FRESHMAN 15 EITHER. IF YOU EAT POORLY YOU WILL GAIN WEIGHT!!!!!!

Yeah, that is one of the small details that they don't tell you unless you actually go to college and have seen it happen to people who used to be skinnier than you. 

But wait there is more....

THE FRESHMAN 15 CAN ACTUALLY MEAN YOU LOSE 15 POUNDS INSTEAD OF GAINING IT!!!!!

Now you are most likely thinking 

Wait, what? You mean the Freshman 15 is not a social death warrant? If I play my cards right I can actually LOSE weight?

Yes. 

So after hearing all of this, you must have some questions as to how the Freshman 15 works. Well, we at The Grog are happy to help.

Before we can tackle the big 15, we first must examine the biggest reasons that lead you to food and fat.

The Biggest reasons that the freshman 15 happens is because you are in a new environment that you are not yet comfortable with

You have been thrown into a social petri-dish where you do not know the crazies from your friends yet. Maybe you could be someone who comes from a rural area that is going to school in the big city. Or perhaps you are studying abroad in a culture so different from your own that you are terrified to try their healthier food options.  So to comfort yourself, you turn to food to help make the transition easier. Eating food does help relieve stress, but it is our food choices that get us in trouble. (went for the healthier options here). 

Which brings us to the second reason that people gain weight at college.

The food at your school could be terrible and you and your friends would be forced to eat elsewhere. Such as...

or 

perhaps even

If your school's food does in fact taste like crap, then your first instinct will be to eat anywhere else but there. But going to healthier places eventually does get more expensive, and college will drain your finances to their lowest possible point. So the non healthy, bad for you food places like the stated fast food chains become the quickest and easiest choices. Just be cautious. Fast food places around your local college prey on incoming freshman such as yourselves, and before you know it your mailbox will be flooded with coupons and upcoming deals for the aforementioned fast foot places. 

Another reason that you may want to eat a lot is simply because you do not want to do anything. Or as we at The Grog like to call it...

Being Lazy

The single hardest obstacle to overcome in terms of turning to food. Eating is easy enough and it gives your body something to do, but eating too much is the mating call of the bad kind of Freshman 15. Plus, when you have access to too much food in your room, it is highly unlikely that most of the food is good for you. Ramen noodles, hot pockets, and other microwaveable foods are easy to make and far less expensive than your school's overpriced cafeteria food.

So now that we have covered how the Freshman 15 sneaks up on you, it's time to figure out what you can do to stop bad food from turning that six pack (or just regular flat stomach) into a one pack, or even better, lose the Freshman 15 instead of putting it on. 

Way to beat the Freshman 15 number 1: Ranger the F*&% Up and Hit the Gym 

The gym is a very good  way to combat the Freshman 15, but it does require the most consistent effort. Hitting the gym does have some advantages such as

• You usually sweat enough to lose some water weight
• Correct workouts turn your "meh" stomach into one glistening pack of sexy
• You can observe girls "personalities" as they run in front of you
• A good workout makes you feel accomplished

However, not everybody wants to go to the gym on a consistent basis. Going to the gym, while very effective takes time, dedication, and effort that you might not want to invest for fear of being stereotyped as the "D-Bag who goes to the Gym every day, four times a day"

But don't worry, there are other solutions. 

Such as Way to beat the Freshman 15 number 2: Intermural Sports/ Pick Up Games

Getting together with your friends and acquaintances a couple times a week to play a sport you all enjoy is a good way to beat back the freshman 15. Intermural sports are all the fun of playing real sports, without the dedication of sitting through meetings, learning plays, or hitting the gym to stay in game shape. Plus, playing intermural sports is a good way to make friends outside of your immediate friend group. So when the stuff hits the fan in your inner circle, hit up some of your intermural buddies and avoid most of the drama. Plus, the workout of playing a sport will keep the Freshman 15 at bay.

Way to beat the Freshman 15 number 3: Actually eating healthy 

The hardest of the solutions to the Freshman 15 because of how hard difficult it will be to find good fruits and veggies will be at your school. Even if you can find fruits and veggies at your school, they are most likely a lower quality than supermarket food, so eating them can be tough. And you aren't going shopping for fresh fruits and veggies because you will want to save your money for "school supplies."  This strategy is not for the weak willed individuals, but if you have the dedication and resources available to you, use them and you could drop 15 pounds instead of gaining 15. 

One quick side note to all of the incoming freshman ladies out there before I leave: Eating Healthy does NOT  mean not eating at all. There is a difference between being in shape and us being able to see your rib cage through your shirt, and the latter is NOT ATTRACTIVE. 

So that will do it for part 5 of the Quintessential Guide: Topics we still need to get around to include

• Party Life (If you all want my perspective it will not be available until I am 21 due to the wishes of our editor. Hopefully, someone else will tackle that before November 2nd)
• Dealing with tough scenarios and how to handle the aftermath 
• Long Distance Relationships when you both go to different colleges
• Sleeping Habits
• And how much to tell your parents about your first semester at Thanksgiving 

Thank you all for reading and till next time...

The Quintessential College Guide for the Incoming Freshman: Pt 4 The People You'll Meet

Well hey there friendo!  All moved in and settling down nicely?  Living up the college life?

So far, if you've been paying attention, you've learned about: staying away from Crazies, the essentials of Dorm life, and college academics.

Now its time for another important lesson in The Grog's Quintessential College Guide for the Incoming Freshman: The People You'll Run Into.


Who will you bump into in class? Your dorm?  Parties (hypothetically of course)?  Whats the difference between friends and "friends"?  


Once again, you've come to the right place.


First off, its probably best that we establish that College is not like Highschool.  Pt. 2 of the guide addressed this a little bit; but you're not going to have to worry about a social-niche hierarchy.


Don't get us wrong, there are still Jocks and Nerds, Prepsters and D-Bags, Smartasses and Kiss-asses.

And my personal favorite: Hipsters

The difference is they'll all be in their own singular niches and will (generally) leave each other alone.

The only hierarchy of college that any incoming freshmen needs to worry about is your grade. 


Frosh-guys, this one is directly stated towards you.  We don't mean to crush dreams here, but unless you're on a sports team (and even then), the only part of your 1st semester of frosh year that will end up looking like Spike TV's "Blue Mountain State", is that you'll be forcibly employing Moran's tactic of the "trickle-down".

That and borderline homoerotic hazing

On the flip side of the coin, frosh ladies should be prepared for a lot of attention, free drinks and party invitations.

Frosh-gentleman, you'll soon find that you are no longer the top dogs that you were in Highschool.  Frosh-ladies want a "mature" man and you just don't fit the bill.

Even if "mature" looks like this

Or this

Or maybe even this

What?? Did you just say they all look like D-Bags?? "Ugh, OMFG, you don't get it, he's olderrrrr...I need a mature man."

FACT: You will run into this.  This isn't particularly something that's bothered any of the Author's of The Grog in particular, but it is something that every frosh guy has run into.  

ADVICE:  There are plenty of fish in the sea gentlemen, and this is not a big deal.  1st semester is when shy inhibitions are tied to cement blocks, thrown out of the window, and finally lit on fire by one's inner-wild.  Chances are your once prospective lady friendo, ex-lady friendo, or maybe even lady friendo that was out of your league anyway (sorry gents..being realistic here) will realize that within the college party spectrum "older maturity" walks hand in hand with "being used" (zing!).  Things will generally cool down by 2nd semester.

Well now that that's been covered (much to the anger of uber-sensitive feminists), what else is there?

Oh right, some of you are nerds and you're worried about earlier in the post where I stated there are still Jocks.

I can't calculate on what my next step should be here...

As stated earlier, RELAX...the best thing about college is that there are an infinite amount of niches, that you don't have to be near if you don't want to be.  Also, as Dom stated earlier, assholes are generally disliked across the board.  Any frosh coming into college with the attitude that he already runs shit will quickly be put down (the exception being if his dad is the Dean of the Business School ((My Dad will sue your dad asshole!!!))).

We don't have to go over the various niches, because as I've been stating before, they really don't play a part in your college experience.  

HOWEVER

There are individual stereotypes that you will more than likely run into during your frosh year at college. 

Academics was our most recent post, so we'll start there.

FACT: You will run into both ego-crazed Professors and kiss-ass students.

HOW DO I TELL?: 

• Your professor will assign the book that they wrote themselves as part of the class curriculum.  
• They are incredibly opinionated and become inflamed during simple class discussions over certain topics.  
• They want to be addressed as "Dr." instead of Professor.  They are not a Doctor in the field of medicine.
• They'll apply theories through ridiculous stretches on recent news topics in class discussions. Ex) It is "social class discrimination" that a local news paper reported a story with the terminology "Home Invasion in Cheshire" for a crime committed in a wealthy suburb in Connecticut, versus reporting a drug deal execution in a poorer neighborhood as "Massacre in Mattapan".  I'm not sure about you, but it seems more likely to me that instead of utilizing some subconscious bigotry, the journalists covering the stories decided that "Home Invasion" was the best way to describe a...."Home Invasion", and that using another word starting with the letter "M" sounded a lot more catchy than "Drug Deal Gone Wrong In Mattapan" or "Mother, Boyfriend, and Child Executed in Mattaphan".
• Disagreement with the Professor on a particular comment will result in either a) A flat out rejection of your comment, and a reinforcement that they are correct. b) Surprise that anyone could disagree with someone that spent 5 years on a worthless project that anyone could have figured out through applying simple common sense. c) They will take the passive approach and start Bravo Foxtrot-ing you on correct answers on tests/quizzes.  "I think you could've used a few more sentences under this answer..which is correct, but I'm still going to take off points because I don't like you and I have tenure."
• Kiss-ass students will ask if they can buy your professor's publication at the college bookstore or a local book-chain.
• Kiss-ass students will vehemently defend the professor's stance on bogus subjects...much like "Massacre at Mattapan" (I was told I was being, unintentionally or not, a narrow-minded bigot).  
• Kiss-ass students will pull things out of their asses in an effort to sound smart, running parallel with what the professor just said. 

ADVICE: Ignore this bullshit.  Kiss-asses and Super-ego-Professors are literally two of the most annoying people you'll run into at college. Disagreeing is natural and should be encouraged to promote discussion in class.  Just be prepared to be ganged up on by kiss-asses who hold your professor as a deity. 

In terms of people you need to watch out for in a classroom, those are the big two.  Chances are you will eventually bump into these characters in the classroom as well (listed below), but no advice is needed for your interactions with them.

1.  The No-Shower: He/She will not show up on time on the first day of classes, and will rack up an incredible amount of absences.  You wonder why they are going to college in the first place.

2. The Sleeper: First you'll notice the head-nods, then the shaking to try and wake up, and finally, sleep takes over and he/she is out like a light.  This normally isn't a big deal.  Unfortunately in this case it happens in every class.  The Sleeper somehow manages to pull it off.

3. The Radical-Douche: He'll come into class with home-brewed coffee and be sporting the flip-flop/jean combo with v-neck shirt.  Every single time he raises his hand you should be prepared for some incendiary opinionated comments.  He likes to put the liberal in "Liberal Arts". 

The image I wanted to get of a vegan-skinny Radical Leftist Student was unfortunately attacked by the Twinky and Deep-Fried  Cor n-Dog Monster during the uploading process.

4. The Reactionary:  Since I've messed with the Radical Left, we'll be fair here, you'll also run into these.  Unfortunately, I've never encountered one in MA, and thus can not grant you an accurate depiction of what one would look like.  Taking quotes from the Radical-Douche I suppose I'll just show you a photo of a "condescending, narrow-minded, violent, barbarian fascist."

Just wait until April, 1945 kiddies.

4. The "Regurgitator": This individual will have no original ideas, and will "regurgitate" what has been previously stated in newly formed sentences. 

Delicious.

(Taken from "SteveCreek")

5. The Know-It-All: The know-it-all is a prick.  He always needs to assert himself as the smartest individual in the room and is a condescending elitist.

  

That pretty much covers the characters of academics, but what about other aspects of college life?

 As Dom's post illustrated, you'll be running into a bunch of characters in Dorm life.  You won't have much say in where you live/who you live with during frosh year so be prepared for the petri-dish of social experimentation that is freshmen dorm living.

Which is where we get into friends vs. "friends".  

FACT: You will start off your freshmen year with a friend group of convenience.  Some of the "friends" in this group are your friends that you've met through orientation, clubs or sports (or ROTC), while others are friendly acquaintances that are friends of your friends.  You may end up establishing a loyal friendship with all of the members of this group or you may not.  College is a petri-dish and you will meet a slew of characters you never had to deal with in High School.

ADVICE: Do not get stuck in one group, especially if you have a personality issue with some of the people in your "friend group".  College can get awfully click-y after the first few weeks, but don't be afraid of throwing yourself out there and finding people like you.  Don't force yourself to hang out with people you don't like just because everyone is going to lunch and you want to feel like you have a group to go with.  Keeping your annoyances over some people's quirks bottled up will get you nowhere and things will inevitably get worse.  The last thing you want is to end a year where people are taking sides over a bogus topic that is a waste of everyone's time.  

I can not stress enough that at the first sign of drama, ****GTFO****.  You'll find in college that some people thrive on drama, and if you are not one of those people you need to GTFO of there.  Dealing with poisonous manipulation on behalf of an incompetent and insecure girl or guy can end up getting dragged on throughout an entire semester where you will be caught up in slander, bogus accusations and in general: bullshit.  This will tear your "friend group" apart.  If you have the misfortune of bumping into this you will quickly find out who has got your back and who will flip-flop.  

Biggest Advice I Can Give You:  Life is short. You can be gone, today, tomorrow, next year, 60 years from now for utterly no reason or explanation at all.  Do not waste your time with incompetence, drama, bullshit and more importantly fair-weathered friends.  They will waste your time and make you second guess your own identity and the reasons you came to school in the first place.  Hang out with the people that make you happy, not your "friend group" of convenience that's going to lunch in 30 minutes and you're invited.

I can not stress that enough.  Then again, freshmen year is all about learning.  You'll have a lot more liberty in the subsequent years after your freshman tour of duty.

Hopefully at some point we'll cover:

• Party-life (again...hypothetical party life...as I would know nothing about that as a responsible member of society, but other authors of The Grog who are 21 could talk about).
• Eating habits.
• Dealing with tough scenarios (just GTFO when crazies get involved....really...GTFO).
• Long-distance relationships.
• Sleep.

So, until next time--

--Fin--