The Grog. The famous pastime ritual at Army Dining In Ceremonies. That deliciously disgusting assortment of hot sauce, fruit punch, water, bacon bites, mini-donuts, marshmallows, butter and, yes, a sock. This is my Grog. My random outlook on the world. Expect only the unexpected.
Embrace your random side.
Welcome to The Grog.
When I was doing my "Top Ten Emasculating Songs I'm Not Afraid to Admit I Like" post, I got the idea of doing a story about my favorite moments from the Bond Franchise. Who is the Best Bond? Who is the worst Bad Guy? Who is the best Bond Girl? What's the worst way for a Bad guy to go?
I decided with such a large franchise it would probably be best to split this post up into parts...anybody who has ever seen a James Bond movie knows that a bad guy can make or break a movie, making a film memorable...or a complete dud. Thus...what's a better way to start off the Ultimate Review?
THE TOP 15 BAMF BOND BAD GUYS EVER #15 Baron Samedi "The Man Who Can Not Die" (Live and Let Die-1973)
Alright now this guy was just weird. Live and Let Die wasn't exactly the best Bond film, and Baron definitely overtakes the place of his boss, Dr. Kananga, in terms of remembrance. He really is not that significant in the film, but the guy does not want to die! In a weird and terrifying (if you were 12 years old-which I probably was when I saw the film) voodoo sacrifice scene, Bond rescues the damsel in distress and throws Baron into a coffin filled with snakes (he doesn't put up much of a fight either). At the end of the film however, after Bond throws another villain named Tee Hee (Don't ask me what the deal is with these names) out of a moving train, the film ends with Baron laughing at the very front engine car.
#14 Wint and Kidd (Diamonds are Forever-1971)
A Sadistic duo of killers, Wint and Kidd are both a unique brand of Bond Bad Guy. They chime and finish each others sentences all throughout the movie, and their end scheme to knock off Bond includes an Explosive cake....aptly named the "Bombe Suprise" in a ridiculous French accent. Here they are in action: #13 Gobinda (Octopussy-1983)
One of the more formidable henchmen from James Bond's "Octopussy" mission, Gobinda was a big threat to Bond...just look at that crazy gun he's got there. Gobinda's claim to fame is his tendency to follow his orders to the letter....a quality which leads to his downfall....literally. His Boss, Afghan Prince 'Kamal Khan' has successfully gotten into the air in his plane to make a quick get-a-way. There's only one problem. James Bond of course has somehow gotten on top of the plane, and is managing to hold on.....somehow. Khan orders his trusty henchman to get out on top of the plane as well and finish the job! The result? A painful whiplash from the plane's antenna to the face, and a 30,000 foot fall to the death. What a trooper.
Fortunately for some reason some one uploaded the entire movie onto Youtube...dont mind the weird transition of lady fighting...watch minutes 4:19-5:25 for the fight.
Watch minutes 4:19-5:25 for the fight! Don't mind the weird intro in the beginning of the vid with the fighting ladies...
#12 Dr. No (Dr. No-1962)
Dr. No. The first Bond Baddie on the big screen. His claim to fame besides being the first Bad guy to get the boot? Mechanical Hands. As it turns out, strangely enough Dr. No's hands aren't that formidable in a fight. They also cant save the evil doctor as he struggles to pull him self up out of the 'heavy water' that surrounds his evil lab.
#11 Zao aka Diamond Face (Die Another Day-2002)
Die Another Day, as previously discussed in the post before this, tries too hard to be a Bond Film. The concept of the henchman Zao however is pretty cool. The Guy has diamonds......as a part of his face!!! Talk about nifty shrapnel. Zao doesnt go down easy either...how does the famed Diamond-Face Baddie die? Why with a gigantic diamond chandelier of course!
Watch the ice car chase below....don't mind the ridiculous adaptive camouflaged car by the way/the giant sun laser thing..two of the reasons this movie was so absurd.
#10 Le Chiffre (Casino Royale-2006)
Any man who goes after another man's jewels deserves to be placed in a top 10 for Bad Guys. Truly a "low blow", Le Chiffre sentences the new Bond, Daniel Craig, to some prettttyyyy nastttyyyy torture.
#9 Max Zorin (A View To A Kill-1985)
The product of a genetic experiment by his mentor, the evil Nazi Dr. Mortner, Zorin plans to obliterate the Silicon Valley in California and nothing will stand in his way....the exception being James Bond of course. Zorin is a sociopath cold-blooded killer, shooting just about everyone in the film but Bond. He's met with a satisfying end for the audience: Falling off the top of the Golden Gate Bridge.
#8 Necros (The Living Daylights-1987)
The Aryan Necros, coldly listening to music through his headphones, and indeed murdering someone with them, is a formidable henchman for Bond from The Living Daylights. His famous method of destruction? Exploding Milk Bottles.
#7 Renard (The World Is Not Enough-1999)
The deranged terrorist Renard from "The World is Not Enough" certainly is a bad-ass. The guy took a bullet to the head by another MI6 agent and he's still alive! The bullet is moving ever so slowly however, cutting off Renard's senses one by one until it will ultimately kill him. For the mean time though, Renard can't feel pain, and can push himself to inhuman feats of strength. BAMF.
#6 Ernst Stavro Blofeld (You Only Live Twice, On Her Majesty's Secret Service, Diamonds Are Forever)
Yeah yeah yeah.....Blofeld isnt the #1 on my list, even though the guy has been portrayed by 3 different actors and has been 'killed' in just about every manner of the word but just doesn't seem to want to die indefinitely. The famed mastermind behind SPECTRE! The boss of bosses! Yeah I get it. There wont be any cliche place holders here. Blofeld holds his place as being a Top 10 baddie, but he just doesn't have the same ruthlessness and BAMFness of other Bond villains that came on in later films. His crazy master plans to destroy the earth do, however, make him a favorite in the Top Bad Guys List.
#5 Franz Sanchez (License to Kill-1989)
Speaking of being ruthless, look its Franz Sanchez! Sanchez is a South American Drug Trafficker who makes things personal with Bond when he orders a hit on Bond's buddy Felix Lighter and his newlywed wife. The girl gets it relatively pretty quick, but Felix is fed to a hungry shark and left for dead. Along the way Sanchez also cuts out a guys heart and gives it to his girl-friend who cheated on him with the man, and throws a buddy into a compression chamber. Real nice guy. He meets his demise when Bond sends him up in flames with a lighter given to him at Felix's wedding.
#4 "Red" Grant (From Russia With Love-1963)
Cold and ruthless, the SPECTRE agent meets his end in a spectacular and claustrophobic train compartment fight with Bond. Oh did I mention the man has a piano wire garrote in his wrist watch? Follow the link below to see (for some reason I couldn't upload it) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DrMdQhz53Q
#3 Oddjob (Goldfinger-1964)
Finally. The Famous Oddjob. This henchman became an instant and recognizable baddie from the classic "Goldfinger". Short, oblivious to pain, and prone to wearing a killer wardrobe, this guy was truly one of the first iconic Bond Bad Guys. The claim to fame? A killer top hat with a razor-bladed rim. Perfect for decapitating statues at Golf Clubs.
#2 Jaws (The Spy Who Loved Me, Moonraker)
No one can forget the indestructible and clumsy Jaws, who was used more for comic relief than ferociousness during the Roger Moore James Bond years. This lovable Frankenstein seemed to have a soft spot for James, even though he did slap him around a little bit. He also had a knack for being invincible. Construction materials and blocks of statues falling down? No problem. Ripping the parachute cord a littttttllle to hard and falling 30,000 feet? Not an issue. Ramming into a building on an out of control tram? Not even a scratch.
#1 Alec Trevelyan, 006 (Goldeneye-1995)
Number 1. My favorite Bond Bad Guy. Alec Trevelyan holds the number one spot for a number of reasons. First of all, the guy is a bad-ass, and has, for once, a realistic and plausible plan to do some serious damage. Trevelyan isn't a diabolical clown with an agenda against the whole world....he just happens to hate the Brits (long story short they sold his parents out to Stalin's execution squads). He worked side by side with Bond, and was presumed dead by 007 after a particularly epic opening scene. Now how does one go about bankrupting Britain and simultaneously killing thousands of people? How about a satellite that emits a Electro-Magnetic Pulse? Oooooooooh....brilliant. He does have the common resilience of most Bond baddies for not dying, but its definitely not as corny. Surviving an explosion which leaves you visibly scarred? BAMF. Falling from a massive radar dish hundreds of feet up in the air and surviving? BAMF. Having said dish explode and fall on your face? Ahh...well that's a problem. See here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6HFkF8904Uw&feature=related
