This weekend I had been "voluntold" by my mother to drive some housing items down to my older brother's new apartment in Fort Green.
I'll admit it...for what I thought was going to be a boring and dreadful trip, I actually had a pretty...interesting...time. I became fascinated with the social scene around me, which I'm pretty sure doesn't run parallel any where else, Boston included (although the South Boston Irish blood in me says that's because we're better....hey, can't lend New York that much credit).
There is just something about that city that I can't place a finger on. I begrudgingly admit that the lifestyle of a special kind of New Yorker captures one's attention: The Hipster.
My older brother, in terms of fashion, has become known as the Black Sheep of the family. To which me and my younger brother can't help but to harass him (all in good fun) mercilessly. It's not a stretch to say he's strayed far from the deeply conservative roots of my family.
I'm not sure if I scoff at the Hipster culture. The atmosphere in Brooklyn was so foreign, that section of the city was literally like visiting another planet. We're not talking about bumping into your occasional "Whole Foods" in Massachusetts, this place had blocks upon blocks of a Hipster Nation.
My level of respect for aspects of the culture faced obstacles however.
The harder I looked into the dark Buddy Holly glasses of passing pedestrians, I began to notice a conformity among these "non-conformists". Some individuals I saw were fighting "the man" in vain it seemed. Everything I had come to admire about the Hipster scene in Brooklyn was quickly discredited, as I sat down in front of "Smooch", an organic Aussie coffee cafe, where I ordered a Tamarama and coffee that looked like this:
The Tamarama (replace the eggs with tomatoes)
Deliciously good Aussie Coffee.
You can reach their website here (notice the hipster photos): http://smoochorganic.com/
Anyway, there were some particular gripes I had with some of the individuals, which I've highlighted below. Say what you will about the "movement".
For those with a fetish for the Politically Correct, a quick disclaimer: It's a fact of life that people make 5 second snap judgments about other's lifestyles that aren't like their own. Everyone makes these calls, and you're lying to yourself if you think you don't...but that in itself is a post for another day.
F*ck Starbucks, Give me a Cigarette: It seems that Starbucks got too popular for the average Hipster, who would much rather be at a place like Smooch. What else could they go towards that wasn't popular in the mainstream? How about Cigarettes? They've long fallen from the high pedestal they once occupied, and smoking one now, despite a Surgeon General's warning, epitomizes individuality (right guys???). But these are Hipsters we're talking about...so a particular brand is out of the question. Thus, I witnessed a ridiculous amount of Hipsters walking by with hand-rolled Tobacco.
Tacky Tats: The spider web at the right elbow. The Sunflower on the back. The Phoenix on the neck. Whattttttttttttt was going on with these tattoos? Marking up your body is independent, sure, but these things were just retarded. There was seemingly no significance to any of the designs, and some of them looked as if they had been done by a 4th grader in art class.
The Fashion: Every single Hipster I bumped into had a variation of these..interesting fashion choices.
Buddy Holly Style Glasses
Skinny Jeans (In Funky Colors, as well as regular)
Corduroy Pants! Making a comeback..
Retro Puma (or Converse, OR Boat Shoes) shoes
Even then, the occasional brand-less flip flop is better than these pesky things..I found this hilarious dialouge under the picture below at http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/
"This picture is a picture that represents the power of branding. There is a common lifestyle brand called PUMA. One bro merges his personal brand with Puma by wearing their shoes. The other bro had a Puma logo tatted on the back of his neck. In order to strengthen your personal brand, you must be willing to take risks and make bold choices.
Should I get the Nike/AmAppy/HypeMachine/Sparks/PBR/Chili's logo tattooed on me? Will 2009 be all about merging your personal brands with corporate lifestyle brands?"
Hahahahahahahahahaha, yes, 2009 sure did become a big year in corporate lifestyle brands friendo, also---another Hipster gripe that I bumped into in that website.......who the fuck is calling the year 2011, 2k11.
2k11.
I'll let that sink in for y'all.
The Messenger Bag (or Man Purse), and Not That Cool Jack Bauer Kind
I saw an absurd amount of these things in Brooklyn.
All of them not used by bikers/Not used to carry laptops.
And sadly.....none of them were being wielded by the killing machine that is Jack Bauer. WWJBD??????????
Ah.....sigh.
A Man Purse I can Respect
The Scally Cap.....Backwards
Tehe...that photo is cute. But most importantly, the baby is wearing it right. Being a big fan of "me Irish heritage" I personally think that if you own a Scally cap, but wear it backwards because you don't want to conform...or you're not even Irish at all and part of a Rastafarian rap group.........chances are I'll think you look like a fucking idiot.
These Hats....Whatever the Fuck They Are
Tacky Tanks
Triple V-Necks (TFTW)
Preferably at the most tacky of color schemes. Like with Gray base, then Red, Yellow, Black and Puke Green lines on top.....yeah I saw that.
ON AN ELEVEN YEAR OLD.
His father however had the worst offense on the fashion list....and it is shown below...
The Hipster Fedora
Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
I'd have to say some of my favorite decades of fashion where the 1940s and 50s, where donning on a nice suit and a stylish fedora helped everybody to look like absolute bosses.
And yet...
They fell out of fashion favor. Coincidentally I looked at a flash card from the guessing game "Origins" at my brothers apartment, and know when hats reportedly fell out of fashion.
President JFK was the first U.S. President to attend inauguration without wearing at hat.
BAM...didn't see that History note from left field now did ya?
Anyway, while the 40s and 50s brought us G's like this:
The sarcastic humor of life saw to it that our dreams would be crushed with the revival of one of the most iconic American fashions at the hands of Hipsters in 2k11....DAMNIT now I'm saying it..
The most brutal offense to the 2k11 Fedora is of course: The Tan Fedora.
Because Sean Connery you ain't
Anyway..I suppose I can end with this: With all this zany Hipster fashion, and silly idealism, I can't imagine they'll be able to escape the conform forever, wannabe's (think Pink Red Sox Hat People), will jump on the Hipster bandwagon and the original Hipsters....in an attempt to not be "conforming", will have to go off and do something else.
Some signs that the Hipster Culture is being integrated into the mainstream?
Avocado...Buddy Holly...Hoodie...Plaid Shirt...Looks like this Hipster supports the consumerism of Subway!
--Fin--
