Here's the best parts of a couple of Urban Dictionary 's definitions of the two, just in case you're lost in terms of what I'm talking about.
Blue Falcon: Generally a military term, used to describe "that guy" who is usually a self-serving jackass and continuously f*cks over his 'friends', or gets them into trouble. The meaning of the term is "Buddy F*cker".
D-Bag: Someone who, through their insecurity or lack of shame, overly projects their masculinity in an obnoxious manner. Their most identifiable characteristics are A) Talking Tough B) Starting Shit C) Calling you a "pussy" while they walk away from the fight they started D) Acting like a bro at all times (when ordering food at B Good's included) E) Wearing either shell or hemp bracelets and necklaces at all times...and loving it F) Taking advantage of Drunk Women G) In general just being "that guy", but you aren't friends with him.
Okay..so by definition alone I guess Blue Falcons are hopping in the back seat for this one.
I've been trying to write up a Deadliest Warrior post for a while now, but I keep getting side-tracked, so it looks like this post is a product of that.
Anyway, chances are if more than 5 of these 'signs' below are reflected well in your life---you're probably a D-Bag.
If offended: Please take a number at the complaint department.
10. You wore a Tuxedo Shirt to your prom.
I'm not sure if this constitutes to D-Baggery or just being a Tool, but the "I'm 'that guy' wearing the Tuxedo Shirt to my own prom" is not the sign of a good time.
I'm sure your date still loved it however.
What I have to say to #10 DB Sign offenders: Anything is better than this. I would rather you go with an florescent Orange Tuxedo than the tux shirt. It's prom bro.
9. Your Facebook profile picture usually consists of yourself with no shirt on.
Sigh...I wish I could use photos from Facebook of highschool bros I actually know who love to deploy this tactic in their attempts to gain attention in the mating ritual.
However, because a slight percentage of people (slight meaning I can count the number of people on one hand) who read my blog are folks who already hate me, and make it their life's mission to look for excuses to create dramatic flares of bat-shit crazy bogusness that somehow, someway, always ends up being about them....I don't think it's worth the trouble. So, long story short, unfortunately for those of you from my highschool who check my blog via Facebook looking for those well-deserved snippets of verbal bash, I don't think I'll up the ante and bring in the photos. (Besides, then I'd be designated as 'that guy' on the internet bloggingsphere, and somehow get sued for 'cyberbullying').
Too bad, as profile pictures often offer hilarious outlooks on those afflicted with the DB (or D-Bag) gene.
If this tell-tale sign describes your profile picture, chances are you're on a beach, with your bros, all glaring angrily into the camera while you flex your hard earned (because all you do at the gym is medicine ball crunches) abdominal muscles. Or maybe you're with your lady friend!--Making sure to flex those biceps as you hug her during the photo shoot. Or it could be that you're inside..and took off your shirt for no reason! Who cares! Your the king of the universe right!
This is a PERFECT example:
Brought to you by the incredibly inappropriate HotChickswithDouchebags.com
P.S. That was a hint, would be drama-starters...its inappropriate and crude.
I don't agree with some of the commentary...so relax!
What I have to say to #9 DB Sign offenders: Keep on keeping on brochachos. I enjoy the laughs.
8. Party albums!!!
Awww yeahhhh. "Last Friday Night" (Holy Crap that's a weird vid...like wtf weird) by Katy Perry is tame compared to the party album you just got tagged in! Since you've bumped up to the college world, we can completely negate not taking photos of you with beer in your hand, despite the fact you're still underage. Is that a blunt in your hand as well? Whoops! Party Album Foul! But who's going to notice right?!?
Okay, maybe your dweeb of a boss, but what's the worst he can do?
What I have to say to #8 DB Sign offenders: At least one DB Sign in this list will be conveyed in that party album. 100% Guaranteed.
7. You pack lips in class.
Now, now, now. Don't get all moody on me if you happen to pack lips. Chewing Tobacco is not an automatic 'you have the DB gene' sign.
However, if you can't make it an hour with that nicotine urge, and feel the need to spit into a waterbottle that you leave, bottle cap nowhere in site, near my laptop during class...you are being an A-Grade D-Bag.
What I have to say to #7 DB Sign offenders: Let's just chalk it up to saying don't obnoxiously pack lips when its socially taboo to do so...maybe switch over to sunflower seeds during class?
6. Your hood/hat never covers more than 15% of your head.
Ah yes, your hood (or hat) is left perilously close to dropping off the back of your head as it does not cover your ears and thus provides no function of cover for your lax-bro mane of hair. In my attempts to find an image of this DB offense, this picture, which doesn't display what I'm trying to describe, popped up:
What I have to say to #6 DB Sign offenders: I would never dare to tell you how to live your lifestyle bro.
5. You wear sleeveless Lacrosse jerseys whenever given the chance.
The Mall. The Movie Theaters. The 4th of July Fireworks. Every party you go to (and then get subsequently tagged in). Whether its from Basketball, or your Highschool club lacrosse penny, it is the staple of your wardrobe if there's a chance of babes being out and about.
What I have to say to #5 DB Sign offenders: I like your jersey bro.
4. You have a meaningless Chinese-lettering tattoo that you got because it 'looked cool'.
What I have to say to #4 DB Sign offenders: If you absolutely, positively must go with Chinese lettering tats....at least make it look cool (I can respect this one).
3. You have a fashion fetish for plaid shorts, Polos 2 sizes too small (or Ed Hardy shirts) and 'Livestrong' bracelets.
Okay so the Ed Hardy shirts are a bit of a stretch...your run-of-the-mill jackass would rather choose a polo, but the super-soldier breed of the DB Gene-pool has a knack for tackyness. Chances are you won't bump into one of these juice-heads unless your at a club in Florida however, so I suppose that's a plus. While the fashion style of the D-Bag may change between Polos and tacky shirts from state to state, the DB style is universally recognized.
Its just that indescribable, gut feeling you get when you see someone like this:
What I have to say to this specific #3 DB Sign offender: I can not use enough words to accurately describe how classy you are Sir. Ladies, congratulations--you've found some real husband material there.
2. You are flipping off the camera in every picture of yourself (lest you be cradling a DB-loving babe).
This ultimately comes into play during party albums.
Overuse of the cherished "F*ck you" signature diminishes its power, and a real DB knows exactly how to utilize the middle finger when the situation doesn't call for it.
What I have to say to #2 DB Sign offenders: Read below for why you're a D-Bag for flipping off your camera.
1. You can't even flip off the camera properly.
What are those?
Extending one's thumb while flipping off somebody, or your camera, will bring your D-Baggery around full circle and onto another level.
Much like the gateway drug diagram, extensive use of the D-Bag Middle Finger will prompt you to commit higher Douchebaggery offenses like getting gnarly and meaningless whole arm tattoos, wearing mascara, gelling your hair up straight and piercing both of your ears with bling studs (all whilst wearing an Ed Hardy Shirt-that's the key here).
Basically, you'll go from a minor inconvenience on the college quad to a full-fledged member of Global Turd community, aka this guy:
My mind just got overloaded with Douche and exploded.
--Fin--
