Are you an up and rising entrepreneur? A go-get-'em, headstrong individual? A fledgling soon to be the next big thing looking to get to the top?
Well you've come to the right place friendo! This special post is reserved for you!
The purpose of this post is to go over all the dirty deets of how you can rise to the top of your organization, whether it be sports, clubs, or just society in general!
We'll be covering such topics as how to:
- Step on your peer's toes as much as possible!
- Let others fall under the bus that you were driving in the first place and don't take any responsibility for your own actions!
- Don't do what you're supposed to when no-one is looking and be a poster-child when the right people are nearby!
- In general, fail the golden rule and look out solely for yourself!
Step #1 Getting Theatrical
(Source)
Friendos, we all have flaws. Whether it be something as trivial as procrastination or as extreme as getting into a habit of napping on toilets in between classes, the key to rising to the top is to cover up these flaws when the important folks in your life aren't looking.
Yes that's right folks. Success doesn't come from merit or hard work set in a teamwork mentality! Success, for the purpose of this post, will now be spelled with an "I".
Siccess, as we like to call it, can never be shared with anyone but yourself. Don't get cocky though, for it is certainly not passed around ladies and gents. That's why it is important to Get theatrical and create the perfect persona which will be used around the right crowd.
This one usually suffices (Source).
Now what's important to remember is that you have to be aware that this persona has the probability to get on several of your peers' nerves and you may be seen as stepping on people's toes.
The obvious reaction, and only reaction one can have in these situations of constructive criticism from your "teammates" (although we prefer the term "insignificant ants") is an over the top and exaggerated defensive nature.
Example:
Team Player: "Bro that was kind of lame that you were making us look bad by charging ahead and leaving us in the dust when we had waited for you before we left."
Pink Flamingo: "So what if you waited for me while I got my shit together in the morning and came down late! What matters is that as soon as I was in sight of someone important you should have anticipated that I was going to charge ahead so it looked like I was the most highspeed of the group and making a point to get there first!"
Step #2 Never Take Responsibility for Yourself
Fellow Flamingos, one of the most important steps one can take from this simple guide is that you should never, ever, ever, EVER, take responsibility for yourself. It is much better for you to cover up your wrong doing than it is to come clean with the authority figures in your life. It's also usually more beneficial for you to coast by on the backs of some of your more honorable teammates, who you know will stick their neck out for you.
When this occurs, you must not falter in never paying them back.
Example:
TP: Hey do think you could stop playing Hall Sports since the rest of us have really been busting our asses not to play any as of late and said you had nothing to do with the last hall sporting mishap??
PF: Yeah of course dude don't worry about!!! Oh by the way I'm stuffing our room with hall sporting equipment, plan on chair jousting later tonight, and I may or may not stand up for you and state you had no part of my shenanigans if I end up getting busted...
TP: .....Why..?
PF:
Leading us to....
Step #3 Use The Status You've Gained Through Doing the Right Thing Only when People were Looking, to Get Away with doing the Wrong Thing When Nobody Is
It's important to maintain the image that you are, in fact, an angelic choir boy as seen in Figure 1A.
Figure 1A (Source)
If you can pass off looking like an angel period (Fig. 1B), then 10 points will be awarded to Gryffindor immediately.
Figure 1B (Source)
Getting back on topic, the point of this step is that you need to consistently look like Figure 1A and 1B rather than Figure 2 as seen below.
Figure 2 aka a dunce (Source).
Note, when we say consistently look like Figures 1A and 1B, we simply mean when someone is looking. When nobody is around, it is perfectly acceptable to act like a total douche and thus insult the efforts of your peers around you who attempting to get to the level that you currently inhabit.
Of course, as a Flamingo you realize they'll never get to the plane you live on because they are real people who take responsibility for themselves rather than handing out free bus tours that have a nasty knack of hitting people and running them over.
If you don't have a single visible smear on your person, but several significant skeletons in your closet: You're following this step correctly.
Step #4 Culminate all of these Steps into Becoming the Most Efficient Pink Flamingo Ever!!!
Alright gents, if you can commit to memory these easy steps and bullet notes, you will be on your way to becoming the best Pink Flamingo ever!!!
Keep on PFing fellow Flamingos!
You'll go places!!
Your peers on the other hand...
....Might get screwed over (Source)
--FIN--
