The Womanizer (Who is also a major two-faced D-Bag)
Oh Hey there! Yes please! Engage me with your cheesy smile and pat on the back! I'm delighted to hear you're so interested in how my time is going at school! Mm...still cruising for the high-school girls I see?
Everybody probably had at least one of these colossal walking turds in their school. Obviously the gig is up pretty quick with girls your own age after they've all heard about one hook up too many with the newest batch of freshmen girls...not too mention how you've cheated on every single girlfriend you ever had.
But hey! Who couldn't resist that charming set of white teeth and plethora of hair?!? Not to mention you got all the lead roles play after play!! Your wardrobe, filled to the brim with button up shirts!!! You even managed to make maxing out at 98 lbs. on the bench press at junior year football try-outs look good!!
Who doesn't think you're a handsome rogue? A modern day Romeo?
1) Every guy in town who is not a major toolbag himself.
2) Every girl with a brain in town, and the next town over...and possibly the nation.
Naturally, you're only left with the option of underage freshmen girls...wooed by the status of a 'senior' before...now in 2011 they can have the option of 'dating' a college freshman!!!
Yuck.
The Pot Head...or Pot Headi (pl.)
The simple fact that products like this are even produced amazes me.
Everybody has friends that smoke weed. I'm not slamming my friends that choose to do it occasionally---But if you make a lifestyle out of it? Chances are I will think you are an idiot. No, I do not want to see the bong you made out of a hollowed out highlighter/a hollowed out highlighter? Do you realize how much toxins you're probably taking in from the highlighter residue still left inside of that thing? No!!! I do not want to be engaged in a conversation on how beneficial legalizing marijuana would be!!! I don't smoke, I never have, I never will, and you know that!
Thankfully these conversations usually only last about 2 minutes before the conversation turns to something completely abstract and random (which I deduce is probably because of the highlighter fumes).
Wow....dude....that bird has a really big head.
Yup...highlighter fumes.
The Phony Drama Girl
High-School Theater Disaster Recipes: Give a normal conversation about who got the lead role in the play 3 minutes. Anger, mixed with loud exclamations of how the hell "that bitch" got the part, should ensue within the 4 minute marker. 5 minutes will result in fake and phony crying in an attempt to get sympathy.
Ah yes..you got the supporting role more than you did the lead pretty much every year of high-school. You're also an insecure sociopath and a man-eater who desperately needs to be assured your better in fake and real life than other people. You'd do anything, literally anything, to crawl your way to the top. You don't hang out with people unless you think they can get you somewhere; whether it's the best party, the best concert or the best seats at that new Broadway play in New York.
Thankfully I'm usually forewarned if you're in the area.
The result is me scurrying away in an attempt not to be caught up in your dramatic tendencies.
Sorry?
The Political Activist
Can I be honest with you? I'm on break. Not that I honestly care about Bush's PATRIOT act, or your 9/11 Truth Theories, or your theories on how much of an emotionally detached pig I'm sure I am---and yes! I absolutely appreciate being automatically counted as some kind of a bigot because I support Israel and not terrorists! Thank you so much for your concern on the status of my soul!
Luckily for me, you deleted me from Facebook in a fit of anger over my defense of our troops overseas....and you're not much of a consumer..as that would give way to the Capitalist agenda...
So I guess I don't actually run into you at all over break at any of the stores around town..
Thank God.
