...make whatever you will of this post.
Infected Mushroom-A Psychadelic Trip
Crookers-Big Money Comin'
Surkin-Ghetto Obsession 2006
Darude-Sandstorm
Thursday, January 27, 2011
CLUB RAVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
BRING YOUR GLOWSTICKS!!!!!!!!
...make whatever you will of this post.
...make whatever you will of this post.
Monday, January 24, 2011
The Top Pop Songs That Have Become Too Overplayed and I Hate Them Now, or I Just Hate Them in General
If you live in the New England Area, you'll soon realize that crappy songs are constantly played over and over again on radio stations like KISS 108 and Jammin' 9.45, while songs that are actually good rarely come on.
I don't necessarily have a specific music taste; I guess if I had to put it under a genre it would probably fall under Electronic, but I am painfully aware of music which I can not stand. It seems in this day and age, any white, skinny poser with long hair and an extremely whiny voice can land a best-selling album.
I guess firstly I should start off by apologizing to the female population of America, as the majority of the songs I'm going to slam in this post are probably your number 1 favs.
The Songs That Aren't Necessarily Bad, but Then Become Remixed by White Prepsters in College and Thus Become Stupid and Annoying Genre
F**k You-Cee Lo Green
Alright let me first start off by saying that this is not that bad of a song. Unfortunately it met its demise as soon as I heard it at the music "coffeehouse" at college. Any song with the lyrics that contain more than one "Fuck" stand a good chance of becoming hits in Politically-Incorrect-deprived states like Massachusetts where anything deemed un-PC is usually received well by teenagers, but of course, a good song runs the risk of being constantly overplayed and then being sung by a poser in a wrinkly button up shirt emphasizing the words "fuck" while in a college cafeteria. 10 points deducted from Gryffindor.
Sub-Genre: Songs That Aren't Bad, but Became Annoying Once They Were Played Constantly and Are Better Off Taken in Small Doses
Stereo Love-Edward Maya &Vika Jigulina
Again...not a bad song. It was catchy, added a new twist, and was unique. However....it was overplayed! The funky harmony going on in the background gets incredibly annoying if you hear it 3 times within just an hour. Surgeon General's Warning: Best to be taken in small doses.
The Songs That Are Nothing More Than One Long Consistent Whine Genre (And Chances Are The Girl You Like Has Her IPod Filled With Them)
Grenade-Bruno Mars
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Good Lord. There are better ways to express anguish over a girl who broke your heart Bruno. Also: There are much better ways to transport a piano. Again, I apologize to all of the girls out there who absolutely love Bruno Mars and his stellar recordings of microphone feedback...ahem...music.
At least I didn't shit on "Just The Way You Are"....there may have been riots in the streets.
Rhythm of Love-Plain White T's
Ladies, there are sensitive guys out there...but don't expect them to have songs like this on their IPods....I'll stick to NIN and The Prodigy thank you very much.
Secrets-OneRepublic
Again, same premise...sensitive guys recording themselves crying for 4 minutes.
Sub-Genre: The Songs I Can 100% Guarantee Are The IPod of The Girl You Like
Any Jason Mraz or Jack Johnson Song (This One Happens to be "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz)
Unless the girl you like is into Satanic Death Metal, I'd put the odds of her having a Jason Mraz/Jack Johnson song on her IPod at about 85%. If she's from a Suburban neighborhood in New England the odds jump up to 95%. In fact, if your a girl, this genre could also apply to the guy you like-taking into account if he comes from an upper class 'burb family, smokes marijuana, is a member of the town's yacht club, and is viewed as a tool by the majority of people in his town.
Too Harsh?
The Hip Hop-ish Song Market Pioneered Specifically For White Teenagers Genre
Bottoms Up-Trey Songz
If there's one thing that annoys me, its Rap that seems to be marketed towards prepster white teenagers. As far as I view rap you can either take one of two roads-Actual Rap, and Poser Rap.
If you want a definition of actual Rap-Look Below.
Eminem-Not Afraid
If you want to go even further into the "Actual Rap" Department, and with that go back a couple of years, it would be hard to miss famous (and controversial) rappers such as NWA or Biggie Smalls. Compared to "Actual Rap", Bottoms Up is not a heavy-hitter.
Sub Genre: Poser Hip-Hop-ish Rap Made By Aspiring Young White Artists Trying To Gain Respect and Put Out Some 'Thug Life'
Love Like Woe-The Ready Set
You can not, and should not, be acting like a rapper if you're white and have this hairstyle. Whereas Eminem throws off the personality of "Talk Shit and I'll Kill You", this kid looks like he snuck out of his parents house to go throw a party in a dusty house with fellow enthusiastic indie-lovers. Also...clearly not a safe place to throw a party..
Baby-Justin Bieber
I'm pretty sure what's going on in this music video could chalk up to either sexual harassment or stalking, but who cares? It's Biebs! Seriously, the last person I want to hear singing about relationship woes is a guy who clearly needs a haircut (I vote for a High 'n Tight) and may need to hit up the gym. Is she really your 'Baby'? I don't think holding hands with a girl counts as being in a relationship Biebsta...but better luck next time G-Unit.
Also, Note the iconic cool playah handshake/high-five with Biebs Gangsta buddy at :24-:25. Dude. NBD.
The Songs that Wont Save Careers and Instead Remind Me of Domestic Violence (Oh Wait...there's only one artist in this category and it's Chris Brown)
Chris Brown was a good artist----the key word being "was". Once images of Rhinna's face started hitting the web however, the artist (rightfully) went underground for a brief period of time. But now he's releasing music again! Sorry Bud, while "Forever" will always remind me of Junior Prom, whenever your new single "Yeah 3x" comes up on the radio waves I instantly think.....oh...yeah that's the guy who beats women.
Pre-Domestic Violence: Forever-Chris Brown
Post-Domestic Violence: Yeah 3x-Chris Brown
Note all the extra flair in the video. Sorry Buddy but regardless of how many dancers and extras you throw in everybody still remembers how you beat women.
I'm sure my harshness towards these songs might make more than a few of you angry with me--and this article does beg the question: Do I hate all the songs that are overplayed on the radio??
As far as pop goes, I'm being honest with the songs above. But I will include a list of pop songs that are overplayed and yet I don't mind at all....just so some of you can argue with me about this later.
In No Particular order:
Please Dont Go-Mike Posner
Higher-Taio Cruz
Like A G6-Far East Movement
DJ Got Us Fallin' In Love-Usher
Club Cant Handle Me-Flo Rida (When you put that together it spells Florida...for those of you who haven't figured that out yet)
Yeah that's pretty much the basics.
Crazy Idea #1-Le Club Christ
So I was in church the other day, and unfortunately mass seemed to take forever. It also didn't help that I had the mortal kombat theme song (see below) stuck in my head.
Anyway...through some bizarre twist of fate I had what I believed at the time to be the best idea ever. I think we can all agree that there are certain masses we wish could be spruced up a bit, with a little wrench thrown in to add some spice to an otherwise mind-numbing exercise of constantly sitting up and down.
In other words, as the Mortal Kombat bass pulsed through my veins, I conceived the idea of a "Club Christ"...aka a dance party mass with the priest acting as DJ. Wouldn't it be a lot more fun to listen to a remix of "Our Father" with smoke-machines and laser-shows going off in the background????
Immediately after church I half-heartedly typed in "Christian techno" into YouTube to see what would pop up if anything, and I got a surprising amount of hilarious music videos.....with Christian Techno. Looks like I wasn't the only one with this idea.
Anyway...below are a couple of these humorous videos which I found online-NOTE: I did not make any of these!
This last one weirded me out a bit...note: Club Christ would not have Renaissance Dress Code Requirements
Thursday, January 13, 2011
2010 was full of action..... albeit terrible action
Again, I'd heavily recommend this site for anybody who likes to procrastinate and for those who just love to laugh at ridiculous stuff in general. All credit goes to those that uploaded these videos on http://www.everythingisterrible.com/ ---thank you for making my life a lot more fun.
Anyway, I found this website in 2010 and I've been watching videos from it ever since-so this is basically a random collection of what I think are the some of the most so-bad-they're-hilarious, and just so-bad-they're-bad action segments.
Videos are ordered from top to bottom on "so horrible they're tough to get through the whole video"-to "so horrible it's downright hilarious".
#11-Hawk Jones
I'm not even sure what the hell this is, and who the hell decided it would be a good idea for a movie. This video is so memorizing-ly terrible it was hard for me to get through the whole thing.
#10 Extreme Heist
Anyway, I found this website in 2010 and I've been watching videos from it ever since-so this is basically a random collection of what I think are the some of the most so-bad-they're-hilarious, and just so-bad-they're-bad action segments.
Videos are ordered from top to bottom on "so horrible they're tough to get through the whole video"-to "so horrible it's downright hilarious".
#11-Hawk Jones
I'm not even sure what the hell this is, and who the hell decided it would be a good idea for a movie. This video is so memorizing-ly terrible it was hard for me to get through the whole thing.
#10 Extreme Heist
COME ON!!!!.....no seriously...
#9 2020 Texas Gladiators
This reminds me of an episode in Stargate SG1. Except that it sucked.
#8 Bulletproof
You'd have to be a butt-horn not to find this hilarious...
#7 CLIP-Fuck the Bonus
It's pretty self-explanatory. Apparently there must have been a bonus for bringing in Mr. Terrorist alive. But where's the fun in that when he randomly has a grenade in his mouth?
#6 The Adventures of Mark Twain (read description before watching or you'll totally be all 'wtf')
This isn't hilarious. In fact it's probably the most depressing thing I've ever seen. Which begs us to ask---Why the hell is this in a children's show???? That's why it's hilarious...the concept..not the video..because I probably would've cried if I had seen this as a child.
#5 Black Ninja
Self-explanatory....and EPIC.
#4 Deadly Prey
My #2 favorite from an earlier blog post---"The Two Best Videos Ever...In the History of Mankind"---Deadly Prey has finally been beaten out by another ridiculous flick which has it all. Look below for "Special Forces"
#3 Special Forces
You have to get this one off the actual site itself to see this one, but this may just beat "Deadly Prey" in ridiculousness.
#2 Miami Connection
Dude. That was awesome.
#1 Revenge of the Red Baron
Once again, Revenge of the Red Baron finds itself being the heavyweight champion on my list. I need to find and rent this movie.
No.
I need to buy this movie.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Call of Duty: MW2 really wasn't that good
Yeah yeah yeah....I know some of you are already flipping out at me for the title, but at leastttttt MW2 wasn't as bad as COD3. I thought I'd take a little break from the Bond stuff (it's actually hard to concentrate on) and share with you my order of the best Call of Duty's.
#6 Call of Duty 3
The Single Player: This was by far the worst game in the series. Like..downright terrible. Of course, I had it for the Wii so I had double the frustration of other gamers. It's hard to kick some Nazi ass when the controls are so sensitive on the nun-chuck that you ended up putting more rounds into the ceiling than in your enemy. I have played it on both the xbox and the wii however, but both times I thought it sucked. The xbox's graphics were significantly better than the wii's (obviously), but that didn't save the game from being downright annoying all the same. Even after beating the game, you couldn't skip those annoying cut-scenes which seemed to take forever and were corny as shit.
Wow. That was so inspiring and emotional it brought tears to my eyes.
Not.
1.5 out of 5 on the singleplayer.
The Multiplayer: The only highlight I could possibly find from this game was playing online with my friends on the xbox. Multiplayer was much like the PC's Battlefield series in the aspect of playing with classes (ie. Medic, Sniper, etc), and vehicles came into play. Ultimately it stacks up a whole lot better than singleplayer, but I wouldn't give it higher than a 3 out of 5.
Overall Rating: It shouldn't have been made.
#5 Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
Smoot how could you possibly tell me this game comes in at #5? This game was the best game in the whole wide world---if it was legal to marry inanimate objects I would marry this game......Blah blah blah blah blah. Alright, this game was overrated. There, I said it. Was it fun? For a while, yeah. But it got boring wayyy to quickly, unlike it's two mega-hit predecessors COD4 and COD5:WoW.
The Single Player: First off, the single player campaign-It wasn't fulfilling in the least. While it did boast some new technology (like the heartbeat sensor) it just didn't have that same edgy feel to the original Modern Warfare. Oh and might I mention that it would have been much more realistic for the Russians to invade America's West Coast?....soo they wouldnt have to go through Europe's armies first? I digress on the realism though. The campaign was too short, and too easy. Even on veteran I felt like it was too simple to pluck off hapless enemies, and unlike the first Modern Warfare, I didn't feel like I was doing a whole lot of damage. The controversial terrorist level seemed out of place, and still didn't add any edge to the game. 2 out of 5.
The Multiplayer: It was good...but again, it just got boring way too fast. Besides a new plethora of attachments (you have to love how every gun has a full rail interface, including the AK) it didn't offer much of a dynamic change between weapons in COD4. They all looked, and sounded the same..and again..that element of damage felt like it was missing....that n00b camper jackass who killed you 10 times? Running up from behind and unloading a clip on his back was not as enjoyable as COD: WoW. 3 out of 5.
Bonuses: Spec Ops. Again, this was fun....for a while. Then it got real old, real fast. Plus, it was an extra that they felt had to be thrown in because of World at War's Zombie mode, and it didn't offer any new substance that you couldn't already find in the game. 2.5 out of 5.
Overall Rating: Stop being a p.o.g. whiskey-tango bunny hopping camper and continue to defend this game---it wasn't that good.
#4 Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare
I had a difficult time deciding which one was better: COD4 or COD:WoW. Ultimately, you can really switch either one into the number 4 slot depending on your preference, they're both great games which revolutionized the franchise in their own rights.
The Single Player: I definitely think COD4 is much better than COD:MW2 however. With the COD franchise, I prefer to beat the single player before I move on to multiplayer, and the single player is awesome in this game. The sniper mission in Chernobyl....Charlie don't surf....raining down death from an AC-130? (cliche examples I know, but nonetheless they were awesome). COD4 of course deserves the full recognition of bringing the series to a modern time period, unfortunately though I think that was dampened by Modern Warfare 2. COD4 has the grit of a modern day shooter. It's set up in the depressing landscape of Eastern Europe as well as the scorching and brightly lit Middle East. MW2 was just too...ehhh..I dont know, based on primary colors? Of course it's a nice peachy day when Russia invades the 'burbs. They could have done a lot more to set a serious tone in MW2. Digressing from my rant on MW2, I'd give COD4 singleplayer a 4 out of 5.
The Multiplayer: Anyway---Multiplayer was of course a hit...so long ppsh, hellooo P90!!! Fortunately spray and pray gameplay was not as successful as it was in Call of Duty 2 multiplayer, and instead the new massive collection of assault rifles became the hand of death on multiplayer. The ability to make your own classes, and gain ranks originated with this game. The concept of "perks" also came into play---depending on your perks you could reload faster, sprint longer, etc. Focusing on a specific gun allowed you to gain more experience with it, and thus unlock new attachments-like suppressors and scopes. Multiplayer focused on a lot of CQB and medium-range maps, with a couple of larger maps. For the new modern atmosphere and weaponery, I'm definitely giving COD4 multiplayer a 5 out of 5.
Bonuses: No multiplayer bonuses other than new game modes like sabotage and headquarters. An Arcade mode was added as a bonus after you beat the single player campaign. Gathering intel ended up unlocking in-game cheats like slow-motion "bullet-time" and not having to reload.
Overall Rating: Excellent game, onlyyy barely edged out of the #3 spot.
#3 Call of Duty: World of War
Grit. Ultra-Gore. Nazi Zombies!
The Single Player: Although COD:Wow hearkened back to COD's WWII roots, it added a whole new outlook with brutal realism. COD: Wow, in my personal view, beats out the #6-4 spots on single player. The in-game Pacific theater is as brutal and nasty as all the stories you hear from your grandfather, with spider-holes and camouflaged enemies that hide in the tall grasses of Okinawa before bayoneting you in the back. The solution of course is the veryyyyy fun flamethrower. The Russian invasion of Berlin is also highlighted in the game, and you'll end up carving through more Nazis than an Inglorious Basterd. Truly fun, single player gets a 5 out of 5 in my book.
The Multiplayer: COD:WoW didn't add anything spectacular on top of COD4's multiplayer, other than extremely unforgiving and unfair kill streaks (Dogs anyone?). They also attempted to add attachments that weren't appropriate for the time period and seemed out of place...aka Treyarch didnt have to feel the need to try and add a red dot sight (named the aperture sight) as an option...it just looks silly and we all know they were trying to compete with Infinity Ward's COD4. Taking out somebody's legs with an artillery strike sure was fun though. Multiplayer gets a 4 out 5.
Bonuses: Now I know what your saying...okay..so how does COD: WoW beat out COD4? Two Words: Nazi Zombies. This was by far the most original new bonus added to the Call of Duty series, and it instantly became incredibly popular.
Overall Rating: Brutal realism, limb removing explosions and Nazi Zombies FTW!
This is the game that really pushed Call of Duty into the mainstream, and while it doesn't have all the perks that the new games have, its earned the #2 spot in my book.
The Singleplayer: Out-standing. By far my favorite level was the D-Day landing. There's so much chaos you have to deal with while trying to complete your mission...and surviving it. The graphics engine was great--when it came out--and the levels were pretty realistic. I'm not sure why, but COD2 stands out in my head as better than all of the COD games that focused on WWII put-together that came after it, despite not having some of the benefits of its future cousins. Ultimately a 5 out of 5.
The Multiplayer: Oooh boy....time to choose a side for team deathmatch..shit! I didn't get the Russians! COD 2 had, in my opinion, the best multiplayer maps out of the entire series. The only downside was the incredibly stacked weapon selection. Depending on what side you were on, you either had a good day, or a very bad one. For instance, if you got auto-assigned into the Germans on the Leningrad map? You were pretty much fucked. The Russian team would almost exclusively choose the ppsh submachine gun, which sported a 71 round clip and a ridiculous fire-rate. In German vs. American matches, you were most likely better off with the Germans---those crafty bastards had the one-shot-one-kill Kar98k bolt-action---the only American one shot wonder was the Springfield 1903, which had a non-variable zoom sniper scope...so basically you were screwed for CQB. Other than that, lots of great memories from COD2 multiplayer, I also had it on the PC, so playing on modded maps were an added bonus. 4 out of 5.
#1 Call of Duty Black Ops
I'm not giving this #1 because it's the newest in the series. Black Ops is getting my top spot because the developers of the game went all out, and produced an awesome product.
The Singleplayer: Dude. Killer storyline. I'm obviously not going to spill all the beans here for those of who haven't yet played it, but it is an awesome game. The story is really rich and fighting in Vietnam/doing black ops in Russia doesn't hurt much either. My one bone to pick with the singleplayer is I don't like how many in-game player controlled cut-scenes there are...it seems like there's a lot more talking than there is shooting...but this could just be me. 4 out of 5.
The Multiplayer: This is where everything changes. Treyarch are geniuses for Black Ops multiplayer. They went totally balls to the wall with content. THANK YOU for finally adding the option of playing online splitscreen with one friend at your house. Thank you as well for the added bonuses of wager matches, combat training and the theater ability. It's nice that you dont have to constantly use one weapon in order to gain attachments just for that one specific weapon on multiplayer. Treyarch designed a way in which you'd simply level up regularly, but also gain an in-game currency which allowed you to buy attachments and camouflage. No other Call of Duty game allows you to customize your classes as much as Black Ops. You can buy certain face-paints for your classes, customize how your scopes look by changing reticle colors, designs, and scope colors. You can also add camouflage to your weapons like MW2....but without all the BS of having to use that gun for 40 matches in a row, just level up, unlock the camo for ALL of your guns, and if you have the cash-go ahead and buy it----And if you gain enough money, you can even gamble it. Wager matches allow you to gamble your hard, but easily, earned in-game money on 4 different "wager match" modes. The video above highlights them all. This fun and easy new interface really boosts Treyarch's role in the franchise, and I give it an absolute 5 out of 5.
Bonuses: Of course, Nazi Zombies makes a comeback, and it's instantly classic once again as you can play as JFK, Castro, Nixon or Defense Secretary McNamara in one of the levels. Zombies is significantly a lot harder in Black Ops right off the bat, and it's a little bit harsh on the learning curve for gamers more used to the laid back Zombies in COD: WoW.
There's also a pretty cool Easter Egg in the....main menu? Yup...you can get out of the chair you're restrained to (if you haven't played the game...Google it if you're totally lost) and hack into a computer sitting behind you. You can read other in-game characters Pentagon Emails (if you know their user name/password) and it offers an interesting background to the game (even more considerably if you've beaten it). 5 out of 5 for bonus content.
Overall Rating: Beats out MW2....'nuff said.
#6 Call of Duty 3
The Single Player: This was by far the worst game in the series. Like..downright terrible. Of course, I had it for the Wii so I had double the frustration of other gamers. It's hard to kick some Nazi ass when the controls are so sensitive on the nun-chuck that you ended up putting more rounds into the ceiling than in your enemy. I have played it on both the xbox and the wii however, but both times I thought it sucked. The xbox's graphics were significantly better than the wii's (obviously), but that didn't save the game from being downright annoying all the same. Even after beating the game, you couldn't skip those annoying cut-scenes which seemed to take forever and were corny as shit.
Wow. That was so inspiring and emotional it brought tears to my eyes.
Not.
1.5 out of 5 on the singleplayer.
The Multiplayer: The only highlight I could possibly find from this game was playing online with my friends on the xbox. Multiplayer was much like the PC's Battlefield series in the aspect of playing with classes (ie. Medic, Sniper, etc), and vehicles came into play. Ultimately it stacks up a whole lot better than singleplayer, but I wouldn't give it higher than a 3 out of 5.
Overall Rating: It shouldn't have been made.
#5 Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
Smoot how could you possibly tell me this game comes in at #5? This game was the best game in the whole wide world---if it was legal to marry inanimate objects I would marry this game......Blah blah blah blah blah. Alright, this game was overrated. There, I said it. Was it fun? For a while, yeah. But it got boring wayyy to quickly, unlike it's two mega-hit predecessors COD4 and COD5:WoW.
The Single Player: First off, the single player campaign-It wasn't fulfilling in the least. While it did boast some new technology (like the heartbeat sensor) it just didn't have that same edgy feel to the original Modern Warfare. Oh and might I mention that it would have been much more realistic for the Russians to invade America's West Coast?....soo they wouldnt have to go through Europe's armies first? I digress on the realism though. The campaign was too short, and too easy. Even on veteran I felt like it was too simple to pluck off hapless enemies, and unlike the first Modern Warfare, I didn't feel like I was doing a whole lot of damage. The controversial terrorist level seemed out of place, and still didn't add any edge to the game. 2 out of 5.
The Multiplayer: It was good...but again, it just got boring way too fast. Besides a new plethora of attachments (you have to love how every gun has a full rail interface, including the AK) it didn't offer much of a dynamic change between weapons in COD4. They all looked, and sounded the same..and again..that element of damage felt like it was missing....that n00b camper jackass who killed you 10 times? Running up from behind and unloading a clip on his back was not as enjoyable as COD: WoW. 3 out of 5.
Bonuses: Spec Ops. Again, this was fun....for a while. Then it got real old, real fast. Plus, it was an extra that they felt had to be thrown in because of World at War's Zombie mode, and it didn't offer any new substance that you couldn't already find in the game. 2.5 out of 5.
Overall Rating: Stop being a p.o.g. whiskey-tango bunny hopping camper and continue to defend this game---it wasn't that good.
#4 Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare
I had a difficult time deciding which one was better: COD4 or COD:WoW. Ultimately, you can really switch either one into the number 4 slot depending on your preference, they're both great games which revolutionized the franchise in their own rights.
The Single Player: I definitely think COD4 is much better than COD:MW2 however. With the COD franchise, I prefer to beat the single player before I move on to multiplayer, and the single player is awesome in this game. The sniper mission in Chernobyl....Charlie don't surf....raining down death from an AC-130? (cliche examples I know, but nonetheless they were awesome). COD4 of course deserves the full recognition of bringing the series to a modern time period, unfortunately though I think that was dampened by Modern Warfare 2. COD4 has the grit of a modern day shooter. It's set up in the depressing landscape of Eastern Europe as well as the scorching and brightly lit Middle East. MW2 was just too...ehhh..I dont know, based on primary colors? Of course it's a nice peachy day when Russia invades the 'burbs. They could have done a lot more to set a serious tone in MW2. Digressing from my rant on MW2, I'd give COD4 singleplayer a 4 out of 5.
Ted Burton must have loved the dreary atmosphere in COD4
vs.
MW2: What a lovely day to go frolic in the meadows!
The Multiplayer: Anyway---Multiplayer was of course a hit...so long ppsh, hellooo P90!!! Fortunately spray and pray gameplay was not as successful as it was in Call of Duty 2 multiplayer, and instead the new massive collection of assault rifles became the hand of death on multiplayer. The ability to make your own classes, and gain ranks originated with this game. The concept of "perks" also came into play---depending on your perks you could reload faster, sprint longer, etc. Focusing on a specific gun allowed you to gain more experience with it, and thus unlock new attachments-like suppressors and scopes. Multiplayer focused on a lot of CQB and medium-range maps, with a couple of larger maps. For the new modern atmosphere and weaponery, I'm definitely giving COD4 multiplayer a 5 out of 5.
Bonuses: No multiplayer bonuses other than new game modes like sabotage and headquarters. An Arcade mode was added as a bonus after you beat the single player campaign. Gathering intel ended up unlocking in-game cheats like slow-motion "bullet-time" and not having to reload.
Overall Rating: Excellent game, onlyyy barely edged out of the #3 spot.
#3 Call of Duty: World of War
Grit. Ultra-Gore. Nazi Zombies!
The Single Player: Although COD:Wow hearkened back to COD's WWII roots, it added a whole new outlook with brutal realism. COD: Wow, in my personal view, beats out the #6-4 spots on single player. The in-game Pacific theater is as brutal and nasty as all the stories you hear from your grandfather, with spider-holes and camouflaged enemies that hide in the tall grasses of Okinawa before bayoneting you in the back. The solution of course is the veryyyyy fun flamethrower. The Russian invasion of Berlin is also highlighted in the game, and you'll end up carving through more Nazis than an Inglorious Basterd. Truly fun, single player gets a 5 out of 5 in my book.
The Multiplayer: COD:WoW didn't add anything spectacular on top of COD4's multiplayer, other than extremely unforgiving and unfair kill streaks (Dogs anyone?). They also attempted to add attachments that weren't appropriate for the time period and seemed out of place...aka Treyarch didnt have to feel the need to try and add a red dot sight (named the aperture sight) as an option...it just looks silly and we all know they were trying to compete with Infinity Ward's COD4. Taking out somebody's legs with an artillery strike sure was fun though. Multiplayer gets a 4 out 5.
Bonuses: Now I know what your saying...okay..so how does COD: WoW beat out COD4? Two Words: Nazi Zombies. This was by far the most original new bonus added to the Call of Duty series, and it instantly became incredibly popular.
Overall Rating: Brutal realism, limb removing explosions and Nazi Zombies FTW!
#2 Call of Duty 2
This is the game that really pushed Call of Duty into the mainstream, and while it doesn't have all the perks that the new games have, its earned the #2 spot in my book.
The Singleplayer: Out-standing. By far my favorite level was the D-Day landing. There's so much chaos you have to deal with while trying to complete your mission...and surviving it. The graphics engine was great--when it came out--and the levels were pretty realistic. I'm not sure why, but COD2 stands out in my head as better than all of the COD games that focused on WWII put-together that came after it, despite not having some of the benefits of its future cousins. Ultimately a 5 out of 5.
The Multiplayer: Oooh boy....time to choose a side for team deathmatch..shit! I didn't get the Russians! COD 2 had, in my opinion, the best multiplayer maps out of the entire series. The only downside was the incredibly stacked weapon selection. Depending on what side you were on, you either had a good day, or a very bad one. For instance, if you got auto-assigned into the Germans on the Leningrad map? You were pretty much fucked. The Russian team would almost exclusively choose the ppsh submachine gun, which sported a 71 round clip and a ridiculous fire-rate. In German vs. American matches, you were most likely better off with the Germans---those crafty bastards had the one-shot-one-kill Kar98k bolt-action---the only American one shot wonder was the Springfield 1903, which had a non-variable zoom sniper scope...so basically you were screwed for CQB. Other than that, lots of great memories from COD2 multiplayer, I also had it on the PC, so playing on modded maps were an added bonus. 4 out of 5.
#1 Call of Duty Black Ops
I'm not giving this #1 because it's the newest in the series. Black Ops is getting my top spot because the developers of the game went all out, and produced an awesome product.
The Singleplayer: Dude. Killer storyline. I'm obviously not going to spill all the beans here for those of who haven't yet played it, but it is an awesome game. The story is really rich and fighting in Vietnam/doing black ops in Russia doesn't hurt much either. My one bone to pick with the singleplayer is I don't like how many in-game player controlled cut-scenes there are...it seems like there's a lot more talking than there is shooting...but this could just be me. 4 out of 5.
The Multiplayer: This is where everything changes. Treyarch are geniuses for Black Ops multiplayer. They went totally balls to the wall with content. THANK YOU for finally adding the option of playing online splitscreen with one friend at your house. Thank you as well for the added bonuses of wager matches, combat training and the theater ability. It's nice that you dont have to constantly use one weapon in order to gain attachments just for that one specific weapon on multiplayer. Treyarch designed a way in which you'd simply level up regularly, but also gain an in-game currency which allowed you to buy attachments and camouflage. No other Call of Duty game allows you to customize your classes as much as Black Ops. You can buy certain face-paints for your classes, customize how your scopes look by changing reticle colors, designs, and scope colors. You can also add camouflage to your weapons like MW2....but without all the BS of having to use that gun for 40 matches in a row, just level up, unlock the camo for ALL of your guns, and if you have the cash-go ahead and buy it----And if you gain enough money, you can even gamble it. Wager matches allow you to gamble your hard, but easily, earned in-game money on 4 different "wager match" modes. The video above highlights them all. This fun and easy new interface really boosts Treyarch's role in the franchise, and I give it an absolute 5 out of 5.
Bonuses: Of course, Nazi Zombies makes a comeback, and it's instantly classic once again as you can play as JFK, Castro, Nixon or Defense Secretary McNamara in one of the levels. Zombies is significantly a lot harder in Black Ops right off the bat, and it's a little bit harsh on the learning curve for gamers more used to the laid back Zombies in COD: WoW.
There's also a pretty cool Easter Egg in the....main menu? Yup...you can get out of the chair you're restrained to (if you haven't played the game...Google it if you're totally lost) and hack into a computer sitting behind you. You can read other in-game characters Pentagon Emails (if you know their user name/password) and it offers an interesting background to the game (even more considerably if you've beaten it). 5 out of 5 for bonus content.
Overall Rating: Beats out MW2....'nuff said.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
The Ultimate Bond Review Part I: The Bad Guys (continued)
Ehhmmm...yeah I've been off of this thing for a while..I discovered Netflix online and have been watching a plethora of C+ "so bad they're good" action films...so I was a tad bit distracted.
Anyway. First post of 2011 I suppose. Getting back to the continuation of the Ultimate Review Part Uno...
The Top 10 Femme Fatales of Bond
*For the record..this is not a list according to looks..I focused more on the characters overall effectiveness towards the plot. For instance....#10? The movie probably would have been better off with her left out.
#10 Rosie Carver (Live and Let Die)
This lady was just silly. For a CIA double agent loyal to the villain in Live and Let Die (Dr. Kananga) she really isn't intimidating in the least. I'm not quite sure why this character was even conceived...she's not exactly memorable in the series, as she bumbles around and screams at a) a spider and b) a hat...a voodoo hat. Bond ultimately confronts and threatens Rosie after a picnic love-sesh in the jungle (which seems to be extremely weird timing), but she doesn't die at the hands of Bond. Instead...a remote controlled gun eliminates her with a single shot from a scarecrow's mouth. Yes. You did hear me correctly.
Overall Effectiveness: F
#9 Helga Brandt (You Only Live Twice)
An agent of the nefariously evil organization SPECTRE, Helga Brandt is famously known for her terrible assassination plots and prettyyyy nasty death. Bond is captured at one point during the film, and faces the threat of torture. Now, of course, Helga is one of the rare breed of contract-killer women who likes to mix business with pleasure. So it's only natural that the only option on the table for Helga is to delay in killing her target, and hop into to bed with Bond after lying that she would switch sides and fly him back to Tokyo....After which of course, she instead restrains him in his seat, and jumps out of the plane with a parachute. Really? Obviously this plan turned into an epic failure when Bond managed to preform an emergency landing of the plane and escaped. Thankfully somebody other than me, Brandt's boss-Mr. Blofeld himself, picked up on how absurd this idea was and fed her to a gigantic pool of piranhas. Nastyy.
Overall Effectiveness: D
#8 Naomi (The Spy Who Loved Me)
Another enthusiast in trying to kill anything in aircraft and miserably failing: the short lived character Naomi from The Spy Who Loved Me. Evil organizations hell-bent on world domination truly do appear to simply brush over marksmanship in their training manuals. Helicopter? Check. Machine Guns? Check. Air Superiority? Yup. Being able to hit the broad-side of a barn within 100 feet? A big fat negatory. Naomi's incompetence in simple ballistic physics and firearm engineering leads to Bond gaining the upper hand. Land-to-Air Missle? Game over. Check it out at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZFChW3hljI
Overall Effectiveness: D
#7 Elektra King (The World is Not Enough)
Elektra King marks the beginning of what I perceive to be as real threats to Bond on his missions. As explained above, Rosie, Helga and Naomi were all incompetent agents assigned with the task of eliminating the famous Brit. Where Elektra (and the next couple of girls) differ from those above is that they are not just used as scene fillers, but rather hold a real potential for malice that weaves into the plot.
Plain and simple, this lady is a real jerk. She's fallen in love with the terrorist Renard (who wants to create a nuclear meltdown in a submarine and kill thousands of people as a result) and kills her own father with a bomb! Then, she plays the role of the fearing victim for James..who of course..cant find a better place to protect her other than in bed. King gets so close to Bond that she is able to kidnap M and and have her men kill some British agents along the way. Gaining a little too much hubris from her own cunning and wit, she attempts to win over James one more time as she taunts him that he can't, and won't shoot her unarmed. Whoopsie on that judgement call...she gets a bullet to the head.
Overall Effectiveness: B
#6 Cigar Girl (The World Is Not Enough)
Cigar Girl. Yup. That's the only name for this character. While a minor and short-lived character, this girl certainly can open up a can of whup-ass, edging out her counterpart, main character Elektra for the #6 spot. While Elektra is certainly good at the cloak and dagger, let's face it, Bond movie's are really all about the action (The exceptions being the new movies with Daniel Craig...zing!). Cigar Girl sets up the first action sequence for the movie and wreaks some havoc along the way, assassinating a banker and fending off Bond in a boat. It's these physical feats that set her apart from King, and line her up with the rest of the girls below. Plus, it takes some serious guts to blow yourself up in a hot-air balloon...talk about a way to go. Thankfully some ingenious bastard whipped up the whole movie on Youtube. Parts 1 and 2 are below (Cigar girl meets her demise in the middle of Part 2).
Overall Effectiveness: B-
#5 Miranda Frost (Die Another Day)
Coming in at a notable #5 is Miranda Frost, a.....gasp...double agent??? Fortunately she's a lot more effective than Rosie Carver, and definitely a lot more convincing. The only down point to Frost is that she's in a terrible movie, which limits the character's chance to shine as a legitimate bad guy. Although now that I think of it, it makes total sense why she'd much rather spend her time with a North Korean mastermind...in a genetically altered body so he's now British...who has a diamond face friend...and owns a gigantic sun laser satellite...(this is sarcasm). Ohhhh the writers of Die Another Day.
Overall Effectiveness: B-
#4 May Day (A View To A Kill)
May Day. The genetically altered, steroid eating, intimidating and killer product of Nazi experimentation. Now this lady, was a formidable opponent. Of course, sociopaths in the Bond franchise have been known to become a little curious about their supposed prey and May Day is not an exception, getting to know her enemy a littttttle to closely under the sheets. Ugh. How cliche. Where May Day does differ from the other Femme Fatales of the franchise however lays with her loyalty. She ultimately does in fact, switch sides, and saves Silicon Valley with an ultimate sacrifice (removing the bomb that was supposed to create an earthquake which would level the valley and getting blown up by it).
Overall Effectiveness: B+
#3 Fiona Volpe (Thunderball)
If Helga Brandt had a brain, her name would be Fiona Volpe. This girl earns the right to be called an assassin. A SPECTRE Agent in charge of executing (literally) the plan to steal two nuclear bombs from a NATO plane and use them to blackmail money out of British leadership, Volpe is a dangerous girl. Much like Helga, (and Cats...but maybe not lolz cats) Volpe likes to play with her food before she eats it. And no...I do not mean in the literal sense that there is a scene in the movie where she actually sculpts a statue out of mashed potatoes. The actress, Luciana Palluzzi, actually does a very convincing job on creating an image of a black widow hitwoman-this is probably one of the more serious femme fatales in the 007 franchise. As for her demise, karma can be a real bitch. As Volpe attempts to lure Bond into a kill zone on a crowded dance floor, Bond grabs a hold of her and begins to dance...all the while looking out for her SPECTRE execution squad. As he spins her around, a bullet meant for him strikes her in the back, killing her instantly.
I could think of nothing witty to say at the end about the dangers of dancing.
Overall Effectiveness: A-
#2 Xenia Onatopp (Goldeneye)
This girl has some killer legs.
No seriously....she kills men with her legs. Probably the most daring character in the Bond franchise, Xenia was a complete nutcase. I'd probably have to say Goldeneye is my favorite Bond film, because it offers one of the more realistic plots, a new Bond (that was Bronson's debut film) and some bamf new baddies. In terms of a personal danger to Bond, I dont think he's ever been more vulnerable in any other film. Bond's weakness is women in his bed. Xenia kills the men she sleeps with...in the act of sleeping with them. This is a huge difference from previous villains like Helga Brandt/Fiona Volpe who waited until after sleeping with their targets for the kill. In fact, Xenia cant seem to find pleasure in anything other than killing-she gets an orgasm when mowing down unarmed computer techies in one of the opening scenes. That's pretty fucked up. It's this sick sense of pleasure that leads to her downfall however-she has an AK-74 on her back...I'm not sure why she didnt just use that to shoot Bond..but nahhhh that'd be too easy, so she goes back to leg crushing tactic. Her death is pretty graphic, and its one of the more gross ways to go, so watch on your own risk at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZDvtqaGW54 (sound quality is kind of bad).
P.S. You've been forewarned its a nasty way to go.
#1 P**** Galore (Goldfinger)
No....I did not choose her for her ridiculous and instantly classic name-She's actually a major part of the plot, and without her, Goldfinger's plans would have succeeded. Galore actually babysits Bond for most of the movie-I recently watched it...and needless to say I was completely bored out of my mind (Yes I know, professional critics of the world...it's a classic and I shouldn't be bored with it). Regardless, the turning of Galore over to the good guy's side is utterly critical. Goldfinger's plan (blowing up Fort Knox with a Nuke) is totally dependent on Galore's flying squad, of equally attractive ladies, crop dusting nerve gas all over the Fort, thus killing the Army service-members surrounding it, leaving the gold supply completely defenseless.
Just try and argue with me on this one...that is a slam-dunk case. Therefore-Galore's overall effectiveness ranks in at an A+
And no. For the the last time it's not because of her name.
Honorable Mention: Rosa Klebb (From Russia With Love)
Anyway. First post of 2011 I suppose. Getting back to the continuation of the Ultimate Review Part Uno...
The Top 10 Femme Fatales of Bond
*For the record..this is not a list according to looks..I focused more on the characters overall effectiveness towards the plot. For instance....#10? The movie probably would have been better off with her left out.
#10 Rosie Carver (Live and Let Die)
Overall Effectiveness: F
#9 Helga Brandt (You Only Live Twice)
Overall Effectiveness: D
#8 Naomi (The Spy Who Loved Me)
Overall Effectiveness: D
#7 Elektra King (The World is Not Enough)
Plain and simple, this lady is a real jerk. She's fallen in love with the terrorist Renard (who wants to create a nuclear meltdown in a submarine and kill thousands of people as a result) and kills her own father with a bomb! Then, she plays the role of the fearing victim for James..who of course..cant find a better place to protect her other than in bed. King gets so close to Bond that she is able to kidnap M and and have her men kill some British agents along the way. Gaining a little too much hubris from her own cunning and wit, she attempts to win over James one more time as she taunts him that he can't, and won't shoot her unarmed. Whoopsie on that judgement call...she gets a bullet to the head.
Overall Effectiveness: B
#6 Cigar Girl (The World Is Not Enough)
Overall Effectiveness: B-
#5 Miranda Frost (Die Another Day)
Overall Effectiveness: B-
#4 May Day (A View To A Kill)
Overall Effectiveness: B+
#3 Fiona Volpe (Thunderball)
If Helga Brandt had a brain, her name would be Fiona Volpe. This girl earns the right to be called an assassin. A SPECTRE Agent in charge of executing (literally) the plan to steal two nuclear bombs from a NATO plane and use them to blackmail money out of British leadership, Volpe is a dangerous girl. Much like Helga, (and Cats...but maybe not lolz cats) Volpe likes to play with her food before she eats it. And no...I do not mean in the literal sense that there is a scene in the movie where she actually sculpts a statue out of mashed potatoes. The actress, Luciana Palluzzi, actually does a very convincing job on creating an image of a black widow hitwoman-this is probably one of the more serious femme fatales in the 007 franchise. As for her demise, karma can be a real bitch. As Volpe attempts to lure Bond into a kill zone on a crowded dance floor, Bond grabs a hold of her and begins to dance...all the while looking out for her SPECTRE execution squad. As he spins her around, a bullet meant for him strikes her in the back, killing her instantly.
I could think of nothing witty to say at the end about the dangers of dancing.
Overall Effectiveness: A-
#2 Xenia Onatopp (Goldeneye)
No seriously....she kills men with her legs. Probably the most daring character in the Bond franchise, Xenia was a complete nutcase. I'd probably have to say Goldeneye is my favorite Bond film, because it offers one of the more realistic plots, a new Bond (that was Bronson's debut film) and some bamf new baddies. In terms of a personal danger to Bond, I dont think he's ever been more vulnerable in any other film. Bond's weakness is women in his bed. Xenia kills the men she sleeps with...in the act of sleeping with them. This is a huge difference from previous villains like Helga Brandt/Fiona Volpe who waited until after sleeping with their targets for the kill. In fact, Xenia cant seem to find pleasure in anything other than killing-she gets an orgasm when mowing down unarmed computer techies in one of the opening scenes. That's pretty fucked up. It's this sick sense of pleasure that leads to her downfall however-she has an AK-74 on her back...I'm not sure why she didnt just use that to shoot Bond..but nahhhh that'd be too easy, so she goes back to leg crushing tactic. Her death is pretty graphic, and its one of the more gross ways to go, so watch on your own risk at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZDvtqaGW54 (sound quality is kind of bad).
P.S. You've been forewarned its a nasty way to go.
#1 P**** Galore (Goldfinger)
Just try and argue with me on this one...that is a slam-dunk case. Therefore-Galore's overall effectiveness ranks in at an A+
And no. For the the last time it's not because of her name.
Honorable Mention: Rosa Klebb (From Russia With Love)
Alright...now I know you're looking at the photo and thinking...Smooty..please tell me this woman did not seduce Bond. She didn't. Let me explain. Klebb.....is an honorable mention. She never slept with Bond, but she wasn't in the Top 15 Bad Guys list either....so I felt I had to put her in somewhere. Klebb sets up Bond through an elaborate SPECTRE plot, and is famous for the favorite poisonous-dagger-hidden-in-my-shoe method of attack. Long story short it doesn't work. Blah blah blah blah blah....I know I could've been more specific but these things take way to long to write.
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