Whether the French are shit-talking our foreign policy or our lack of cultural appreciation of their fine wine and cheeses, one thing is for sure: Les Français would rather sleep in a giant nation-sized bowl of tacks than make any effort towards making our lives easier. I guess that when your head of state has more mistresses than a cathouse, you prefer to look out rather than in.
Well here is a wonderful little sack of happiness. I'll be fair on this one, its not Venezuelans that are the issue, its their president: Hugo Chavez. Say hello to one helluva nut here. This man thinks, among other fallacies, that US missile tests caused the earthquake in Haiti, and that our aid to Haiti amounts to an invasion. Essentially, this man is so incredibly stupid that to him its seems logical for the United States to engage in conspiracy to annex Haiti. Umm... Mr. Chavez, the day the US needs Haiti that bad, I'm moving to France. 
Well, a rare gem of a beauty just unfolded over in our old Quasi-Middle Eastern Friend Pakistan (pronounced Puck -EEE- stahn). The late Osama Bin Gotten met his end in Abottobad, Pakistan just last month. He had been hiding in a suburb, in an upper class mansion, in a well-policed town, that had Pakistan's West Point, and a large amount of its General Staff. Lets put it this way: the equivalent to that in the US would be if Osama hid out in the gatehouse at West Point wearing a reflective vest that looked like a bomb about to go off and we couldn't find him. As history would tell us, our Pakistani brothers were either "as dumb as a fox" or are so utterly idiotic that they have to watch an instructional video on how to eat every morning when they wake up to ensure they don't choke and die on hummus and pita. 
Why we have to put up with them: Most of the a-holes we're fighting bounce across their border to Afghanistan.
Ah yes, China, love 'em, hate 'em, fear 'em, marvel at how many of 'em there are (holy shit there are a lot). China is really the big bad wolf in the world right now. Whether they're arming the Janjeweed in Darfur, pushing for mineral mining rights in Afghanistan, causing rolling black outs in the US, hacking into our government computers, or beating Tibetan monks to death (um..why?), you can pretty much guarantee that they're doing something we wouldn't normally be cool with if they weren't...well...China. 
Why we need them: Thats like asking why an old man on welfare needs the government. We need money, they got money, we owe them, but we're probably not gonna pay them back... What I have to say to China: Keep your hands out of our cookie pots, and the lead out of our toys, and we're all good.
Why we have to deal with them: Europe is Europe, and Europe should mean "friend", am I right?
To the French I say: Concentrate on fixing your dying socialist system rather than telling us what to do, and speaking your language fluently still didn't help you gain my respect: Putain Français!
4. Venezuela
Why we have to deal with them (him): OIL, 5th largest oil reserve in the world.
To Venezuala/Chavez I say: When all that black gold dries up, you're done son.
3. Saudi Arabia
Ugh, Ugh, Ugh. Saudi Arabia is like the rich kid that nobody likes but kids hang out with him anyway because he has a Lamborghini and a pool...A POOL FULL OF OIL! Although the irony here is that this rich kid is only rich because he has a bunch of poor kids working for him, and if those poor kids find out that you, the grudging friend, get to use his pool while they have to work, they'll get super pissed and start bombing your shit. Just in case anyone missed that: Rich Kid= Saudi Prince , Grudging Friend= USA , Poor Kids = Everyone in Saudi Arabia whose not a rich prick.
Why we have to deal with them: Again and as usual, O I L.
What I have to say to the Saudis: How about you blame the assholes in your own country with the gold palaces for your problems, instead of America.
2. Pakistan
What I have to say to Pakistan: As far as I'm concerned India should just go to town on you guys, God knows you shown yourself to be militarily impotent.
1. China
